Top Gear Quotes
[On the Koenigsegg]
Jeremy: You could drive this thing to the gym, turn around, go straight home again; you'd have had more exercise than if you'd done a workout!
Jeremy: You could drive this thing to the gym, turn around, go straight home again; you'd have had more exercise than if you'd done a workout!
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard: [On the Renault Mégane's interior] Mothers will be fishing kids out of obscure cubbyholes for years!
TV Show: Top Gear
[On the price of a Hummer H2]
Jeremy: And it seems like quite a lot, when you peel away this amazing body and find out what's underneath. Yep, underneath the abs and the pecs is a GMC Tahoe, which is ugly, big, slow, and is completely flummoxed by snow, mud, gravel, soil, grass clippings, drizzle, or even a light breeze.
Jeremy: And it seems like quite a lot, when you peel away this amazing body and find out what's underneath. Yep, underneath the abs and the pecs is a GMC Tahoe, which is ugly, big, slow, and is completely flummoxed by snow, mud, gravel, soil, grass clippings, drizzle, or even a light breeze.
TV Show: Top Gear
[On the Hummer H2]
Jeremy: It's a Roman orgy, a Hawaiian barbecue, a Viennese waltz, and a helicopter gunship attack on Las Vegas, all rolled into one... it's fantastic!
Jeremy: It's a Roman orgy, a Hawaiian barbecue, a Viennese waltz, and a helicopter gunship attack on Las Vegas, all rolled into one... it's fantastic!
TV Show: Top Gear
[Regarding Clarkson's review of the Hummer H2]
James: You're not seriously suggesting that this... revolting, plastic fronted piece of pig-iron is a serious alternative to something like an X5?
[...]
Jeremy: Size is important in these things. [beams]
Richard: That's a little harsh.
James: You're not seriously suggesting that this... revolting, plastic fronted piece of pig-iron is a serious alternative to something like an X5?
[...]
Jeremy: Size is important in these things. [beams]
Richard: That's a little harsh.
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard: Now that is what I call a control panel. Grenade launcher. Impulse generator! Lovely.
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard: Well, if things get really nasty, I can always get stupid and just headbutt stuff.
[crashes the Talon through a portacabin]
[crashes the Talon through a portacabin]
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Richard and James enjoy life under canvas; an Alfa Romeo waving its arms around; and Darth Vader, in a Honda Civic TIE Fighter R.
Jeremy: Tonight: Richard and James enjoy life under canvas; an Alfa Romeo waving its arms around; and Darth Vader, in a Honda Civic TIE Fighter R.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Nissan 350Z]
Jeremy: [voiceover] Well, to be honest, I think it looks a bit of a mess. But then it would, because it's a Japanese car designed in America. And the head of the whole project was a chap called Ajay Panchal, who's an Indian. From Leicester. And the engine? Well, that's French. Incongruously, it's the three-and-a-half-litre V6 from the Renault Vel Satis.
Jeremy: [at the wheel] We've had fusion food before, but this is the first time that I've ever encountered a fusion car. Think of it as being a raw-hamburger curry served in a disinterested way on a bed of garlicky jus.
Jeremy: [voiceover] Well, to be honest, I think it looks a bit of a mess. But then it would, because it's a Japanese car designed in America. And the head of the whole project was a chap called Ajay Panchal, who's an Indian. From Leicester. And the engine? Well, that's French. Incongruously, it's the three-and-a-half-litre V6 from the Renault Vel Satis.
Jeremy: [at the wheel] We've had fusion food before, but this is the first time that I've ever encountered a fusion car. Think of it as being a raw-hamburger curry served in a disinterested way on a bed of garlicky jus.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: I could go very, very berserk at this point. But - two things are stopping me. One, the noise. It's driving me mad. And secondly, it was on this very road that the drummer with a band called Def Leppard crashed his muscle car, a Corvette, and as a result of that he now has to drive with a knob on his steering wheel.
TV Show: Top Gear
[causing various bits of the 350Z's internal trim to rattle]
Jeremy: I've seen better build quality on an allotment shed.
Jeremy: I've seen better build quality on an allotment shed.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: The thing is that Nissan have now said, "Aha, but the car you drove was sort of for a, I don't know, a small market in the south of France or somewhere." The British ones, which are going on sale in...
Richard: 'Bout, September, autumn sometime.
Jeremy: Yeah, September, October - are going to have better suspension, bigger fuel tank, different aerodynamics, better interior trim, traction control as standard - going to be completely different.
Richard: Which rather begs the question, why did they say "There's our new car! See what you think. It won't be anything like that, obviously, but there it is anyway."
Richard: 'Bout, September, autumn sometime.
Jeremy: Yeah, September, October - are going to have better suspension, bigger fuel tank, different aerodynamics, better interior trim, traction control as standard - going to be completely different.
Richard: Which rather begs the question, why did they say "There's our new car! See what you think. It won't be anything like that, obviously, but there it is anyway."
TV Show: Top Gear
James: It's a terrible shame Jeremy didn't like the 350Z - I wondered if he might be interested in the 350Z watch. It's a very large watch with a very small face. What do you think of that?
Jeremy: It'll probably go TICK TOCK! TIIIICK TOCK and be very heavy.
Jeremy: It'll probably go TICK TOCK! TIIIICK TOCK and be very heavy.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Honda NSX-R]
Richard: And there's this. The gaiter at the base of the gear lever. Usually leather, it's been replaced with fine mesh to save 10 grams. I could've done that wearing a thinner pair of socks.
Richard: And there's this. The gaiter at the base of the gear lever. Usually leather, it's been replaced with fine mesh to save 10 grams. I could've done that wearing a thinner pair of socks.
TV Show: Top Gear
James: This is a true story and I am ashamed of it. I was driving along, Ford Galaxy, magnolia leather, curry on the passenger seat. A drunk bloke walked into the road. Instinctively, I braked. I saw the curry tip, I thought, "That's my dinner," I not only took my foot off the brake, I put it back on the throttle! Anyway, if anyone here is interested, I've developed a special new car sticker that says BHUNA ON BOARD.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Volkswagen New Beetle cabrio]
James: All they've got to do is make it in the shape of a proper car and it'll be terrific.
James: All they've got to do is make it in the shape of a proper car and it'll be terrific.
TV Show: Top Gear
[driving the New Beetle with the top down in the rain]
Richard: I'm not sure this was such a smart idea.
James: Why, do you think they just think we're a pair of screaming -
Richard: Well, exactly.
James: Yes.
Richard: I'm not sure this was such a smart idea.
James: Why, do you think they just think we're a pair of screaming -
Richard: Well, exactly.
James: Yes.
TV Show: Top Gear
James: What we want in Britain is a convertible car for sunny days, and a hardtop for the other 364.
TV Show: Top Gear
James: [Commenting on the Audi A4 convertible] No, it's just not right. A diesel cabrio is like a supermodel smoking a pipe.
TV Show: Top Gear
[testing the flappy paddle gearshift in the Citroën C3 Pluriel]
Richard: It's hopeless. I'm changing gear, right, I'm going to put it in second to go round this corner, that's OK, now I'm going to wait for third... and now it's changed. And I'm going to select fourth... no... oh! Now I've got it. [addressing the car] Wha - HAVE YOU GOT SOMETHING ELSE ON?!
Richard: It's hopeless. I'm changing gear, right, I'm going to put it in second to go round this corner, that's OK, now I'm going to wait for third... and now it's changed. And I'm going to select fourth... no... oh! Now I've got it. [addressing the car] Wha - HAVE YOU GOT SOMETHING ELSE ON?!
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Daihatsu Copen]
James: You're not going to get this, I know, but that car, it's small, it's silly, all it does is make the rest of the world massive. You know like the Incredible Shrinking Man in that film, where the telephone keeps getting bigger in his hand?
Jeremy: No.
James: All right.
Jeremy: But I'm sure it happened, I'm not saying it didn't happen, I just don't remember it.
James: OK, well, it's a bit like that. You sort of drive around amongst these massive road signs and huge hatchbacks, it's absolutely brilliant.
Richard: Can't say I noticed it myself, I thought it was all right, but, um...
[...]
Jeremy: It's not so much a car as a shoe.
James: You're not going to get this, I know, but that car, it's small, it's silly, all it does is make the rest of the world massive. You know like the Incredible Shrinking Man in that film, where the telephone keeps getting bigger in his hand?
Jeremy: No.
James: All right.
Jeremy: But I'm sure it happened, I'm not saying it didn't happen, I just don't remember it.
James: OK, well, it's a bit like that. You sort of drive around amongst these massive road signs and huge hatchbacks, it's absolutely brilliant.
Richard: Can't say I noticed it myself, I thought it was all right, but, um...
[...]
Jeremy: It's not so much a car as a shoe.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: I have three donkeys at home.
Jodie Kidd: Do you?
Jeremy: Geoffrey, Eddie, and Kristin Scott Donkey. I do! I adore my donkeys. They are my life, they're everything. I just think they're fantastic.
Jodie: Very noisy.
Jeremy: Depends what you do to them.
Jodie Kidd: Do you?
Jeremy: Geoffrey, Eddie, and Kristin Scott Donkey. I do! I adore my donkeys. They are my life, they're everything. I just think they're fantastic.
Jodie: Very noisy.
Jeremy: Depends what you do to them.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Captain Jean-Luc Picard at warp point nought nought nought one; the Dutch have made a car!; and be still my beating heart! A new Vauxhall saloon.
Jeremy: Tonight: Captain Jean-Luc Picard at warp point nought nought nought one; the Dutch have made a car!; and be still my beating heart! A new Vauxhall saloon.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Volvo S60 R, the test model of which has orange leather seats]
Jeremy: It's only when you really concentrate that you start to pick up the clues. The big alloy wheels. The blue engine cover. The seats, which seem to have been made out of David Dickinson.
[...]
Jeremy: It's very relaxing. I can just sit here listening to the excellent stereo and speculate on whether or not these seats aren't really David Dickinson at all. They might be an offcut of Dale Winton.
Jeremy: It's only when you really concentrate that you start to pick up the clues. The big alloy wheels. The blue engine cover. The seats, which seem to have been made out of David Dickinson.
[...]
Jeremy: It's very relaxing. I can just sit here listening to the excellent stereo and speculate on whether or not these seats aren't really David Dickinson at all. They might be an offcut of Dale Winton.
TV Show: Top Gear
[during the news]
James: All right, look, here's a proper piece of British ingenuity: a bloke called Geoff, he's made a steam-powered bicycle after 30 years' work. He started work on it in 1972. Roughly 250 years after the steam engine was invented.
Richard: It's not really on the cutting edge, is it.
James: Well, what this bloke has done, he has taken one old technology, one outdated technology, he's combined them to create something genuinely useless. It's brilliant!
James: All right, look, here's a proper piece of British ingenuity: a bloke called Geoff, he's made a steam-powered bicycle after 30 years' work. He started work on it in 1972. Roughly 250 years after the steam engine was invented.
Richard: It's not really on the cutting edge, is it.
James: Well, what this bloke has done, he has taken one old technology, one outdated technology, he's combined them to create something genuinely useless. It's brilliant!
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Rover Streetwise]
Jeremy: They're saying it's an "urban on-roader". If we analyze that, an "urban on-roader" is a car designed to go on the road in town. So... it's a car. Isn't it.
Richard: Essentially, yes.
[...]
Jeremy: [consulting press release] They are saying that: it has got a split folding rear seat...
James: Like a car.
Jeremy: Yeah. It's available with a selection of petrol and diesel power units...
Richard: Well, that is clever.
James: Like a car.
Richard: Yeah, yeah.
Jeremy: ... various transmissions, three trim levels...
James: Car-like.
Jeremy: Yup, very car-like... "It's fun to drive, handy in traffic, easy to park and and able to shrug off hard use by active individuals and young families."
Richard: They've put some thought into this, haven't they?
Jeremy: "Has elements of the SUV appeal," no it doesn't, it's not four-wheel-drive, "with good ground clearance and ruggedness but without the cost and complexity of 4x4 transmission."
James: It's a car.
Jeremy: It's a car. "At the same time it offers good all-round performance and capability out of town, from motorways to farm tracks!"
Richard: [impressed] So you can drive out of town as well!
Jeremy: It's not just an urban on-roader, it's a motorway on-roader as well! And it can do farm tracks, but nothing too difficult, OK?
Jeremy: They're saying it's an "urban on-roader". If we analyze that, an "urban on-roader" is a car designed to go on the road in town. So... it's a car. Isn't it.
Richard: Essentially, yes.
[...]
Jeremy: [consulting press release] They are saying that: it has got a split folding rear seat...
James: Like a car.
Jeremy: Yeah. It's available with a selection of petrol and diesel power units...
Richard: Well, that is clever.
James: Like a car.
Richard: Yeah, yeah.
Jeremy: ... various transmissions, three trim levels...
James: Car-like.
Jeremy: Yup, very car-like... "It's fun to drive, handy in traffic, easy to park and and able to shrug off hard use by active individuals and young families."
Richard: They've put some thought into this, haven't they?
Jeremy: "Has elements of the SUV appeal," no it doesn't, it's not four-wheel-drive, "with good ground clearance and ruggedness but without the cost and complexity of 4x4 transmission."
James: It's a car.
Jeremy: It's a car. "At the same time it offers good all-round performance and capability out of town, from motorways to farm tracks!"
Richard: [impressed] So you can drive out of town as well!
Jeremy: It's not just an urban on-roader, it's a motorway on-roader as well! And it can do farm tracks, but nothing too difficult, OK?
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: [whilst driving a Segway] They're made in America, of course, so that fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy.
TV Show: Top Gear