Top Gear Quotes
[speculating on the future-classic value of the Mercedes-Benz 190E 2.5-16 Cosworth]
Richard: Tempted? Well, if you are, you're best off going for one in black or silver with an automatic gearbox. Which is why I'm driving a pink one with a manual box. Obviously.
Richard: Tempted? Well, if you are, you're best off going for one in black or silver with an automatic gearbox. Which is why I'm driving a pink one with a manual box. Obviously.
TV Show: Top Gear
[Jeremy is butting in as Richard and James populate the Classic Wall]
Richard: Jeremy, can I ask - what's that?
Jeremy: This is an Alfa Romeo GTV6, a magnificent car!
Richard: It is. And I believe you had one!
Jeremy: I did indeed.
Richard: And how much did you pay for it, Jeremy?
Jeremy: Ah, £5000.
Richard: Mm, and then you sold it. And how much did you sell it for?
Jeremy: Ah, £3000.
Richard: OK, that didn't go too well. How much was it worth a year later?
Jeremy: £7,000.
Richard: So how much do you know about all of this? Absolutely nothing.
Richard: Jeremy, can I ask - what's that?
Jeremy: This is an Alfa Romeo GTV6, a magnificent car!
Richard: It is. And I believe you had one!
Jeremy: I did indeed.
Richard: And how much did you pay for it, Jeremy?
Jeremy: Ah, £5000.
Richard: Mm, and then you sold it. And how much did you sell it for?
Jeremy: Ah, £3000.
Richard: OK, that didn't go too well. How much was it worth a year later?
Jeremy: £7,000.
Richard: So how much do you know about all of this? Absolutely nothing.
TV Show: Top Gear
[arguing that the Mazda RX-8 should be considered cool]
Richard: But you get to say "Wankel". That's cool! - On telly!
Richard: But you get to say "Wankel". That's cool! - On telly!
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Fiat Panda]
James: Well, it is very small, just three and a half metres long, but more importantly, it's got really quite a lot of space in it. You could get a couple of full-size adults in the back here, or - more importantly - about half a dozen children. Now this is vital in your small Italian car, and all because of another of their great inventions: the Catholic Church.
James: Well, it is very small, just three and a half metres long, but more importantly, it's got really quite a lot of space in it. You could get a couple of full-size adults in the back here, or - more importantly - about half a dozen children. Now this is vital in your small Italian car, and all because of another of their great inventions: the Catholic Church.
TV Show: Top Gear
James: Now, you'll be able to buy a basic 1.1-litre Panda for £6000. £6000! This, however, is the 1.2-litre Dynamic. This is a posh Panda. But it's still only six thousand, five hundred pounds. Six and a half grand. And it's a whole car!
TV Show: Top Gear
James: I quite like this 1.2-litre engine, it's sort of feisty and eager. Makes a great deal of fuss without really achieving very much. Bit like the Italian government, really.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Toyota Hilux]
Jeremy: So it's very popular in Australia and all the other various bits of the third world.
Jeremy: So it's very popular in Australia and all the other various bits of the third world.
TV Show: Top Gear
[On the Hilux]
Jeremy: We love cars like this on Top Gear. That's why we love the Citroën Berlingo and the Daihatsu Charade; they're simple, honest-to-God engineering.
Jeremy: We love cars like this on Top Gear. That's why we love the Citroën Berlingo and the Daihatsu Charade; they're simple, honest-to-God engineering.
TV Show: Top Gear
[After driving the pick-up down the steps]
Jeremy: [Voiceover] It damaged my spine quite badly, doing this. And then it set about damaging Bristol.
Jeremy: [Voiceover] It damaged my spine quite badly, doing this. And then it set about damaging Bristol.
TV Show: Top Gear
[tapping on a mangled fender after running the Hilux into a tree]
Jeremy: That'll buff out.
Jeremy: That'll buff out.
TV Show: Top Gear
[when the Hilux starts after having been washed out to sea in the Severn estuary]
Jeremy: [shouting over the engine roar] I do not believe this! It works!
Jeremy: [shouting over the engine roar] I do not believe this! It works!
TV Show: Top Gear
[At the grassy part of the test track]
Jeremy: The problem is, what can we do here that we haven't already tried? [The pick-up then drops behind Jeremy] Difficult one.
Jeremy: The problem is, what can we do here that we haven't already tried? [The pick-up then drops behind Jeremy] Difficult one.
TV Show: Top Gear
[Before the caravan drop on the Hilux]
Jeremy: The Americans have used daisy cutters on these things, to no avail. But I have something much more powerful... [cuts to a parked caravan; voiceover] The Mistral GT... [shows the same caravan dropped on the Hilux]
Jeremy: The Americans have used daisy cutters on these things, to no avail. But I have something much more powerful... [cuts to a parked caravan; voiceover] The Mistral GT... [shows the same caravan dropped on the Hilux]
TV Show: Top Gear
[After the caravan drop]
Jeremy: [crawling in through the window] Lordy lord, I'm too old for this.
[...]
Jeremy: I honestly can't believe this; the steering is fine, the gearbox is fine, the low-range box is fine, the brakes are fine... Even the speedo's telling me we're doing thirty.
Jeremy: [crawling in through the window] Lordy lord, I'm too old for this.
[...]
Jeremy: I honestly can't believe this; the steering is fine, the gearbox is fine, the low-range box is fine, the brakes are fine... Even the speedo's telling me we're doing thirty.
TV Show: Top Gear
[Announcing the result of the Hilux torture test]
Richard: All of which makes it more of a shame that in the end you killed it with fire.
James: That was churlish.
Jeremy: Well, that's the thing. You probably won't believe this, ladies and gentlemen. I want a huge round of applause, IT IS STILL WORKING!
Richard: All of which makes it more of a shame that in the end you killed it with fire.
James: That was churlish.
Jeremy: Well, that's the thing. You probably won't believe this, ladies and gentlemen. I want a huge round of applause, IT IS STILL WORKING!
TV Show: Top Gear
[after the end credits]
Simon: Can we just stop the competition now?
Jeremy: No, we bloody can't; I'm going to phone Damon Hill next week!
Simon: Can we just stop the competition now?
Jeremy: No, we bloody can't; I'm going to phone Damon Hill next week!
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Richard drives a pair of wheeled accessories; I discover if the Australians are better at cars than they are at rugby; and James tries to finish the job of killing our Toyota.
Jeremy: Tonight: Richard drives a pair of wheeled accessories; I discover if the Australians are better at cars than they are at rugby; and James tries to finish the job of killing our Toyota.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Citroën C2
Jeremy: [voiceover] Look at the details. The gear lever that seems to have come from a sex shop. The translucent trim. The 12 million gigawatt stereo. And the bumf, which is full of words like "wicked" and "cool".
Jeremy: [standing in front of the car] Now this, it seems, is the language of something called cruising, which... isn't what I thought it was.
Jeremy: [voiceover] Look at the details. The gear lever that seems to have come from a sex shop. The translucent trim. The 12 million gigawatt stereo. And the bumf, which is full of words like "wicked" and "cool".
Jeremy: [standing in front of the car] Now this, it seems, is the language of something called cruising, which... isn't what I thought it was.
TV Show: Top Gear
[at a tuner meeting]
Jeremy: This cruising thing. What's it about?
Young man: What's it about?
Jeremy: Yeah.
Young man: It's about flexing, man.
Jeremy: It's about what?
Young man: Flexing, like. Having a good time, you know.
Jeremy: Flexing?
Young man: Yeah, yeah.
[crowd of young people laughs at Jeremy's oldster incomprehension]
Jeremy: What the f--k are you on about? [appeals to the crowd] What is flexing?
Another young man: Flexing means winding, basically.
Jeremy: It means winding. I'm none the wiser! We're flexing, we're winding... Does anybody here speak English? Does anybody speak English here?
A third young man: Showing off.
Jeremy: Showing off! This man speaks English! [crowd applauds] Flexing and winding means showing off.
Jeremy: This cruising thing. What's it about?
Young man: What's it about?
Jeremy: Yeah.
Young man: It's about flexing, man.
Jeremy: It's about what?
Young man: Flexing, like. Having a good time, you know.
Jeremy: Flexing?
Young man: Yeah, yeah.
[crowd of young people laughs at Jeremy's oldster incomprehension]
Jeremy: What the f--k are you on about? [appeals to the crowd] What is flexing?
Another young man: Flexing means winding, basically.
Jeremy: It means winding. I'm none the wiser! We're flexing, we're winding... Does anybody here speak English? Does anybody speak English here?
A third young man: Showing off.
Jeremy: Showing off! This man speaks English! [crowd applauds] Flexing and winding means showing off.
TV Show: Top Gear
[back in the studio after the tuner film]
Jeremy: That makes me feel very sad, that.
James: Why?
Jeremy: Well, I just wish that we'd had flexing and winding when we were kids, 'cause I love this whole modifying scene, I think it's brilliant.
James: Mm. We did have cruising, though.
Jeremy: I know, but that meant going to a gentlemen's lavatory, and that's... [dismissive gesture]
Jeremy: That makes me feel very sad, that.
James: Why?
Jeremy: Well, I just wish that we'd had flexing and winding when we were kids, 'cause I love this whole modifying scene, I think it's brilliant.
James: Mm. We did have cruising, though.
Jeremy: I know, but that meant going to a gentlemen's lavatory, and that's... [dismissive gesture]
TV Show: Top Gear
[having interrupted the second Toyota torture film at a critical moment]
James: I'll show you what happened later.
Richard: That's evil!
James: It stops people turning over to Heartbeat.
James: I'll show you what happened later.
Richard: That's evil!
James: It stops people turning over to Heartbeat.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on modern British consumers]
Richard: They earn money, they see stuff in shops, and they buy it. That's just the way most of us are. Me! I'm partial to a shirt!
Richard: They earn money, they see stuff in shops, and they buy it. That's just the way most of us are. Me! I'm partial to a shirt!
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Peugeot 307 CC and Renault Mégane CC]
Richard: As we stand here, both of these cars are slowly sinking into the floor. They're that heavy.
Jeremy: So if I were to say to you, "OK, I'm going to shave your poodle... "
Richard: Right.
Jeremy: "... unless you tell me which one you'd have."
Richard: [looks at a loss]
Jeremy: Which one or the poodle's bald.
Richard: ... Bring on the razor, mate, I'm afraid.
Richard: As we stand here, both of these cars are slowly sinking into the floor. They're that heavy.
Jeremy: So if I were to say to you, "OK, I'm going to shave your poodle... "
Richard: Right.
Jeremy: "... unless you tell me which one you'd have."
Richard: [looks at a loss]
Jeremy: Which one or the poodle's bald.
Richard: ... Bring on the razor, mate, I'm afraid.
TV Show: Top Gear
Sanjeev Bhaskar: Now, Indians do like bling. I mean, if there was a Datsun Bling...
Jeremy: Well, hold on a minute. Now, we've had flexing, I've got that, and winding... what's bling?
Sanjeev: Bling is just, you know, flash. Color. It's kind of like - Indian parents, traditional Indian parents, are the only ones who'd watch The Fast and the Furious and say, [in Indian accent] "If you became an accountant, you should get a car like that."
Jeremy: Well, hold on a minute. Now, we've had flexing, I've got that, and winding... what's bling?
Sanjeev: Bling is just, you know, flash. Color. It's kind of like - Indian parents, traditional Indian parents, are the only ones who'd watch The Fast and the Furious and say, [in Indian accent] "If you became an accountant, you should get a car like that."
TV Show: Top Gear
Sanjeev: I'll tell you the reason that I stopped driving [in India]. I did about a mile and I told my cousin to take over. And I said - it was at night, and nobody uses their headlights, or very few people use their headlights because, you know, you wear 'em out. You'd just have to buy another one. Um, and so there was, there was - I stopped when I saw one headlamp coming towards me, and I said, "Look, I don't know if that's a scooter or it's a truck with one failed headlamp. And he kind of - my cousin stopped for a second, he said, [in Indian accent] "Or two scooters transporting a wardrobe." I said - I said, "You know, you're right, there is that third option. I'm an idiot. I don't know why I didn't think of it."
TV Show: Top Gear
James: If I could only have one drink for the rest of my life, it would be a pint of bitter. And if I could only drive one supercar, it would be this: the Aston Martin Vantage.
TV Show: Top Gear
James: In order to understand the impact of the Vantage, I want you to imagine a simple scene down your local boozer. Now, Ferrari, Lamborghini, Maserati, Porsche, all that lot - they're the blokes round the bar with the big opinions. Giving it lots of that. [mimes talking] Aston Martin is the quiet bloke in the corner, with his pint of best and the crossword. And then, suddenly, he decides he's had enough. So he gets up, he takes them all outside, and he gives them a bloody good hiding.
TV Show: Top Gear