Top Gear Quotes
James: The Italians, you see, would concentrate on making a really, really fast car, but then they'd start to worry about all the practical stuff, like, where's the driver going to sit, and can he see out, and how are you going to join up all those wires that make the lights work? The British way, however, is to start with a normal car and then make it very fast. Think of the Jaguar XJR. It's one of the world's most comfortable saloon cars, and it just happens to go like a stabbed rat.
TV Show: Top Gear
James: Say you wanted to bang in a nail. You could belt it really hard with a little hammer, or you could give it a tap with a really big one. The Aston's engine is a sledgehammer.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the V8 engine in the Vauxhall Monaro]
Jeremy: It's far from the most sophisticated engine in the known universe, but because it's so big, you can put it in sixth and pootle around at three, doing plenty of miles to the gallon. Or you can poke it with a stick. Then you will go from nought to sixty in six and a half seconds and reach a top speed of over 160. Usually sideways.
Jeremy: It's far from the most sophisticated engine in the known universe, but because it's so big, you can put it in sixth and pootle around at three, doing plenty of miles to the gallon. Or you can poke it with a stick. Then you will go from nought to sixty in six and a half seconds and reach a top speed of over 160. Usually sideways.
TV Show: Top Gear
[for a joke, Clarkson claims that the car issues insulting voice messages if the traction control is engaged]
Monaro: Backs to the wall, everyone, there's a pom on board! He's turned the traction control on! What a poofter.
Monaro: Backs to the wall, everyone, there's a pom on board! He's turned the traction control on! What a poofter.
TV Show: Top Gear
Monaro: You hopeless pom.
Jeremy: Shut up.
Monaro: And you got lucky in the rugby.
Jeremy: Shut up!
Jeremy: Shut up.
Monaro: And you got lucky in the rugby.
Jeremy: Shut up!
TV Show: Top Gear
[in the studio, after the film showing the Hilux falling with the roof of an imploding tower block]
Jeremy: Now, we've seen that it started.
James: Yeah, it did start.
Jeremy: But did it move?
James: I can hardly believe this myself - ladies and gentlemen, here it is!
[horribly battered but still moving under its own power, the Hilux enters the studio]
Jeremy: Now, we've seen that it started.
James: Yeah, it did start.
Jeremy: But did it move?
James: I can hardly believe this myself - ladies and gentlemen, here it is!
[horribly battered but still moving under its own power, the Hilux enters the studio]
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the state of the utterly smashed but still running Toyota]
Richard: That's not bad. I've taxed worse.
Richard: That's not bad. I've taxed worse.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: We could carry on trying to destroy it, but do you know what? I think we should build a plinth.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Richard drives the new McLaren Mercedes; I try Birmingham's latest head banger; and we stage the first ever Top Gear Boffin Burnout.
Jeremy: Tonight: Richard drives the new McLaren Mercedes; I try Birmingham's latest head banger; and we stage the first ever Top Gear Boffin Burnout.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: The Germans always aim high. Stalingrad by Christmas and the world by Easter, and then we'll sort out Rover.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Cayenne]
Jeremy: Nought to 60 takes five seconds. And about 17 gallons of fuel.
Jeremy: Nought to 60 takes five seconds. And about 17 gallons of fuel.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: Now most modern off-road cars, like for instance the BMW X5, would get stuck on a croquet lawn.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: [voiceover] As an engineering exercise, the Cayenne is astonishing. Only the Germans could've pulled it off. But all their efforts with the power and the speed and the toughness and the agility - they were all a complete and utter waste of time. Because look at it.
[pulls over, gets out]
Jeremy: I think what they tried to do is make the front look like a 911. Which it doesn't. And then from here back it looks like they just haven't bothered! Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It is a monkfish among cars. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis, and frankly I would rather walk back to the studio than drive another yard in it. So I shall. [looks around, points] That way. [walks out of frame]
[pulls over, gets out]
Jeremy: I think what they tried to do is make the front look like a 911. Which it doesn't. And then from here back it looks like they just haven't bothered! Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It is a monkfish among cars. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis, and frankly I would rather walk back to the studio than drive another yard in it. So I shall. [looks around, points] That way. [walks out of frame]
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren]
Richard: So much grip! It'll crease the road before it lets go, I'm sure.
Richard: So much grip! It'll crease the road before it lets go, I'm sure.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the SLR's engine]
Richard: It puts out six hundred and twenty-six brake horsepower, and more torque than in all the rest of the cars in the world added together.
Richard: It puts out six hundred and twenty-six brake horsepower, and more torque than in all the rest of the cars in the world added together.
TV Show: Top Gear
[disappointed by the SLR's interior]
Richard: There's plastic - [raps on dash] - in here. Come on.
Richard: There's plastic - [raps on dash] - in here. Come on.
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard: And then they tell you - proudly! - that there's enough room in the boot for two sets of golf clubs. And that worries me, that's just fat-businessman stuff. It's a marriage between McLaren and Mercedes, the SLR. And it's brilliant! I just wish it was a bit more McLaren and a bit less Mercedes.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the MG XPower SV]
Jeremy: Inside, it's pretty much as you'd expect: hopeless. I've got no satellite navigation, no electric seats, no airbag, and while there is a third gear - nnnngh! - I don't really have the strength to engage it. Furthermore, this window doesn't go all the way down, as you can see, the antilock brakes are broken, there's nowhere to put my left leg, the dashboard looks like I made it, and half the time the dials come over all Longbridge-ish and go on strike.
Jeremy: Inside, it's pretty much as you'd expect: hopeless. I've got no satellite navigation, no electric seats, no airbag, and while there is a third gear - nnnngh! - I don't really have the strength to engage it. Furthermore, this window doesn't go all the way down, as you can see, the antilock brakes are broken, there's nowhere to put my left leg, the dashboard looks like I made it, and half the time the dials come over all Longbridge-ish and go on strike.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: This car has one of the world's great engines, a big, gurgling V8 with huge torque and an even huger thirst. Flat-out, at 165 miles an hour, this car is using a kilo of fuel every minute. That's jet fighter consumption, but then it goes like a jet fighter!
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: Oh, this is terrific! Just imagine how good it would be if you could get third.
TV Show: Top Gear
[after Jeremy bangs his head on the XPower SV's door frame during a hard maneuver]
Richard: I could watch that all day! Who'd like to see it in slow motion?
Richard: I could watch that all day! Who'd like to see it in slow motion?
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard: But it does sound a lot like a TVR in feeling, you know, noisy and different...
Jeremy: Yes, except a TVR has got a better interior than this, and actually, I think a TVR will be more reliable.
Richard: [giggling] Just how bad was that knock on your head?
Jeremy: Yes, except a TVR has got a better interior than this, and actually, I think a TVR will be more reliable.
Richard: [giggling] Just how bad was that knock on your head?
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: This car is plastic. It has a stupid rear spoiler and it's made by a company no one's ever heard of on an industrial estate in Leicestershire. So for posing it's hopeless. But for the undiluted thrill of driving, it's almost impossible to do better.
TV Show: Top Gear