Trailer Park Boys Quotes
Ricky: Hey, Trevor, knock knock
Trevor: I'm not gonna say, "Who's there," Ricky.
Ricky: You just did, you fuckin idiot.
[Ricky rips off Trevor's pants]
Trevor: I'm not gonna say, "Who's there," Ricky.
Ricky: You just did, you fuckin idiot.
[Ricky rips off Trevor's pants]
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Mr. Lahey: Randy... I got $100 here for groceries, I got $1400 here for liquor, and I got $6000 for you to go and bail out a couple of shit puppets. We might need a couple of more shit puppets for our play, and they gotta be angry shit puppets, Randy... and you gotta make em angry shit puppets, and you say whatever it takes to make them angry, but they're not angry at us Randy. Shit puppets are supposed to be angry at other shit puppets... take the bus.
Randy: Mr. Lahey, they could kill one another.
Mr.Lahey: Wouldn't that be nice.
Randy: Yeah, but we can't be involved with murder.
Mr. Lahey: (confidently) Exactly Randy.
Randy: Mr Lahey is this you talking or the liquor?
Mr. Lahey: Randy...
[Lahey takes a big sip out of his liquor bottle]
Mr. Lahey: I am the liquor.
Randy: Mr. Lahey, they could kill one another.
Mr.Lahey: Wouldn't that be nice.
Randy: Yeah, but we can't be involved with murder.
Mr. Lahey: (confidently) Exactly Randy.
Randy: Mr Lahey is this you talking or the liquor?
Mr. Lahey: Randy...
[Lahey takes a big sip out of his liquor bottle]
Mr. Lahey: I am the liquor.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Julian hands Trevor a gun]
Trevor: Awwhh...but Julian this is a pirate's gun.
Bubbles: Well then I guess that makes you Long-John Dickweed then.
Trevor: Awwhh...but Julian this is a pirate's gun.
Bubbles: Well then I guess that makes you Long-John Dickweed then.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Mr.Lahey: You feel that Randy?
Randy: What, Mr.Lahey?
Mr.Lahey: The way the shit clings to the air.
Randy: What Mr.Lahey?
Mr.Lahey: Randy m'boy, it's already started.
Randy: What's started, Mr.Lahey?
Mr.Lahey: The Shit Blizzard.
Randy: What, Mr.Lahey?
Mr.Lahey: The way the shit clings to the air.
Randy: What Mr.Lahey?
Mr.Lahey: Randy m'boy, it's already started.
Randy: What's started, Mr.Lahey?
Mr.Lahey: The Shit Blizzard.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Cyrus: What the fuck is that?
Dennis: I think it's a giant cock and someone's riding it like a cowboy.
Terry: Is that you Cyrus?
Cyrus: Can't you fucking read, Terry?! That's my name with an arrow pointing at it!
Dennis: I think it's a giant cock and someone's riding it like a cowboy.
Terry: Is that you Cyrus?
Cyrus: Can't you fucking read, Terry?! That's my name with an arrow pointing at it!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Donny: WHAT IN THE FUCK?!
Donny: FUCK OFF WITH THE GUNS!!
Donny: WELL DON'T FUCKIN' STOP ON MY ACCOUNT!
Donny: FUCK OFF WITH THE GUNS!!
Donny: WELL DON'T FUCKIN' STOP ON MY ACCOUNT!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Mr. Lahey: Somebody's got to be on duty George. Who's the officer in charge, George? Who's the officer in charge here?
George Green: I thought you were in charge Jim. Why aren't you on duty?
Mr. Lahey: (drunkly) I've always been on duty, George. Always. I havent been off duty fo 25 years. Never.
George Green: Ugh. You're so fucked Lahey!
[George talks to dispatch on his walkie]
George Green: Dispatch, this is off duty cop George Green at Sunnyvale Trailer Park. You had a report earlier of gunfire. Disregard, there's nothing going on..
[Lahey aggresively grabs the walkie]
Mr. Lahey: Officer down! Officer down!
[Lahey throws George's walkie away]
Mr. Lahey: Sorry George! You're a shitty cop, George. I want a real cop here.
George Green: I thought you were in charge Jim. Why aren't you on duty?
Mr. Lahey: (drunkly) I've always been on duty, George. Always. I havent been off duty fo 25 years. Never.
George Green: Ugh. You're so fucked Lahey!
[George talks to dispatch on his walkie]
George Green: Dispatch, this is off duty cop George Green at Sunnyvale Trailer Park. You had a report earlier of gunfire. Disregard, there's nothing going on..
[Lahey aggresively grabs the walkie]
Mr. Lahey: Officer down! Officer down!
[Lahey throws George's walkie away]
Mr. Lahey: Sorry George! You're a shitty cop, George. I want a real cop here.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: The thing with me is that I AM smart and I’m smelf, I’m self smarted, basically, by myself, basically from nature and smoking drugs and doing different things I’ve self… s… like self learned myself. And that’s the whole difference I guess is that I don’t need the books or the schooling type things. I just get everything on my own and because of that I’m alive right now. I mean, if I had read more books or tried to go on to college and different things like that I’d be dead right now, because people say books and collage are for to be make you smarter, but they can also be for to be make you dead, which is what could have happened to me. My brain doesn’t use enough oxygen because I don’t have the whole thing filled with different stuff and if it was full--it’s only part full--and that’s why I’m alive right now. The guards are giving me here, you know--"read this book, try to get smarter"--but I’m like, alright, I’ll pretend to read it but I’m not going to really read it cause my brain will be more full and if I have another heart attack I’m going to die... I just wanna get out of here now and spend time with Lucy and Trinity and get my family going again. Basically that’s all that matters to me. They come to visit me a couple times in jail for the first time ever which is awesome. Lucy seems to be really digging me and looking really good and I just wanna get out of here and see them, exercise a bit, maybe eat better and try to quit smoking. I’m going to quit smoking cigarettes first, and then, you know, work off the dope or whatever eventually... although, I don’t know.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: (To Lucy after being stung by a bee): Do you have any suave?
Lucy: Salve?
Lucy: Salve?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: That's nothing Julian, me and my old man made 70 bucks from recycling last week.
Bubbles: 70 bucks each?
Ricky: No, 30 bucks each.
Bubbles: (to Ray) 30 bucks each? Ray, that doesn't add up.
Ray: Moving on Budd...
Bubbles: 70 bucks each?
Ricky: No, 30 bucks each.
Bubbles: (to Ray) 30 bucks each? Ray, that doesn't add up.
Ray: Moving on Budd...
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Randy: Why don't you go pave your cave, you fuckin caveman.
Sam: What the fuck did you just call me?
Barb: Well... you are a caveman, Sam.
Randy: Yeah! A fucking caveman!
Sam: YOU PAY ME NOW BURGER BOY!!
Sam: What the fuck did you just call me?
Barb: Well... you are a caveman, Sam.
Randy: Yeah! A fucking caveman!
Sam: YOU PAY ME NOW BURGER BOY!!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: And sure, I'm fuckin' hungover and burnt out, but that's what being a good dad's all about
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Trevor: Mr Lahey, Julian's out here lifting weights with his shirt off! He wants you to come out and have a few drinks with him!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Mr. Lahey: Halloween 1977, Jules. You remember, don't you, Bubbles? Yo, what's at work here? It's the shit-tectonics. When two shit-plates strike, and come together under incredible pressure, what happens, Bubbles?
Bubbles: What, Mr. Lahey?
Mr. Lahey: Shit-quake. May the Force be with you gentlemen, and may I be with the Force.
Bubbles: What, Mr. Lahey?
Mr. Lahey: Shit-quake. May the Force be with you gentlemen, and may I be with the Force.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Lucy: [to Ricky] What happened to the guy I made love with in the bathroom of the Kentucky Fried Chicken? HUH?? What happened to that guy?
Ricky: [Looks away]
Ricky: [Looks away]
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: Ray...rippin' the plumbin' outta your walls for liquor money...IS fucked!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: "No, I don't hear anything..."
Lahey: "Oh, but you will, my sorry little friend, when the old shit barometer rises, and you'll feel it too. Your ears will implode from the shit pressure. You were warned, Bubs, but you picked the wrong side. Beware, my friend: shit winds are a-comin'."
Lahey: "Oh, but you will, my sorry little friend, when the old shit barometer rises, and you'll feel it too. Your ears will implode from the shit pressure. You were warned, Bubs, but you picked the wrong side. Beware, my friend: shit winds are a-comin'."
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Randy: "Shit moths?"
Lahey: "Shit moths. You see, they started off as tiny shit larva, Randy. Then they grew into shitapillers, a pandemic of shitapillers Randy, everywhere you look Randy - shitapillers. They almost drove me over the goddamn edge boy. I tried to exterminate them, I tried to put an end to the shitapiller's life cycle...but I failed. And now...shit moths Randy, every-fuckin'- one of them."
Lahey: "Shit moths. You see, they started off as tiny shit larva, Randy. Then they grew into shitapillers, a pandemic of shitapillers Randy, everywhere you look Randy - shitapillers. They almost drove me over the goddamn edge boy. I tried to exterminate them, I tried to put an end to the shitapiller's life cycle...but I failed. And now...shit moths Randy, every-fuckin'- one of them."
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
J-ROC: What's crackin' y'all. Let me be the first to officially welcome y'all ma fuckas to my brand new joint: Scrilla Villa! Aight dog, check it out. Let me explain somethin' to ya. Ya know'm sayin'? Me n' T had to get somethin' set up with the babies on the way, know'm sayin', with the family, ya know'm mean, so we had to start workin'. That's when I realized the airport has some interesting job opportunities, dog.
Tyrone: That's right. We had to seize the muthafucka!
J-ROC: Carpe dizzem, ya know'm sayin'?
Tyrone: That's right.
J-ROC: That's why we started gankin' luggage.
J-ROC: This is all the shit we ganked from overseas, ya know'm sayin'? It's all from Europe! It's tight! Ma fuckas come back with some crazy-ass shit, dog. You want a box for ya bling? It's ten ma fuckas! It's tight, cheap, and dope. I'm out.
J-ROC: This here room is what I call "Liquors of the World", dog. You know'm sayin'? Look at all this shit that ma fucks bring back. It's ya passport to gettin' drunk, you know'm sayin'? (picks up a bottle shaped like a guitar) Glug-glug, ting-ting-ting-ting-ting!
J-ROC: (picks up a real shoe) Real snake! What? Sayin'! We so busy now, ya know'm mean, I had to hire employees, ya know'm mean! That's Lucy right there. Lucy one of my employees. (points to her stomach) That lil' ma fucka ain't though! I ain't payin' for that ma fucka!
Tyrone: That's right. We had to seize the muthafucka!
J-ROC: Carpe dizzem, ya know'm sayin'?
Tyrone: That's right.
J-ROC: That's why we started gankin' luggage.
J-ROC: This is all the shit we ganked from overseas, ya know'm sayin'? It's all from Europe! It's tight! Ma fuckas come back with some crazy-ass shit, dog. You want a box for ya bling? It's ten ma fuckas! It's tight, cheap, and dope. I'm out.
J-ROC: This here room is what I call "Liquors of the World", dog. You know'm sayin'? Look at all this shit that ma fucks bring back. It's ya passport to gettin' drunk, you know'm sayin'? (picks up a bottle shaped like a guitar) Glug-glug, ting-ting-ting-ting-ting!
J-ROC: (picks up a real shoe) Real snake! What? Sayin'! We so busy now, ya know'm mean, I had to hire employees, ya know'm mean! That's Lucy right there. Lucy one of my employees. (points to her stomach) That lil' ma fucka ain't though! I ain't payin' for that ma fucka!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: Is there any way Lucy coulda got pregnant without my bird doin' stuff to her?
Ray: (laughs) You're joking, right, Rick?
Ricky: No, actually I'm pretty serious, Dad.
Ray: Fuck, um...
Ricky: There must be another way. We have done some stuff, but... Me and Lucy haven't banged in seven months and she's six months pregnant, so... Does that work out, or...
Ray: Bubbles, answer that. I gotta rock a piss off, buddy.
Ray: (laughs) You're joking, right, Rick?
Ricky: No, actually I'm pretty serious, Dad.
Ray: Fuck, um...
Ricky: There must be another way. We have done some stuff, but... Me and Lucy haven't banged in seven months and she's six months pregnant, so... Does that work out, or...
Ray: Bubbles, answer that. I gotta rock a piss off, buddy.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Randy rips his pants]
Randy: Ah! MOOSE BALLS! My pants!
[Barb laughs]
Randy: It's not funny, Barb! (punches the wall)
Lahey: Randy...
[Randy walks away and punches the wall again]
Barb: Randy!
Randy: BALLS! My best pants! (punches the wall again)
Lahey: Randy!
Randy: This is friggin'... (punches the wall again)
Barb: Randy!
Lahey: Randy!
Randy: Ah! MOOSE BALLS! My pants!
[Barb laughs]
Randy: It's not funny, Barb! (punches the wall)
Lahey: Randy...
[Randy walks away and punches the wall again]
Barb: Randy!
Randy: BALLS! My best pants! (punches the wall again)
Lahey: Randy!
Randy: This is friggin'... (punches the wall again)
Barb: Randy!
Lahey: Randy!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Bubbles reads an ad out of a magazine]
Bubbles: Decent! Julian, check this out!
Julian: What?
Bubbles: Look! "Tenth Annual Bangor International Model Train Convention"! Look who's hosting! Sabastian Bach, Skid Row! My God, "Trains from all over the world, this year featuring the Swayzie Express"!
Julian: Swayzie Express? Patrick Swayze?
Bubbles: (Confessional) Julian's always been really sensitive about the whole Patrick Swayze thing because, when we were kids in school the other kids used to tease him and call him "Patrick Swayze" but Julian was reeeeally into Dirty Dancing! I remember one time me and Ricky were coming over to get Julian to go ride bikes and we walked in the trailer and Julian was dressed up like him, pretending he was in the movie Dirty Dancing! Ricky told everyone at school and from then on they teased him, "Patrick Swayze"!
Julian: Are you fucking with me here, Bubbs? 'Cause it's not funny, man.
Bubbles: No, Julian! Not that Patrick Swayze, not the actor, Patrick Swayze. This is a different one.
Bubbles: Decent! Julian, check this out!
Julian: What?
Bubbles: Look! "Tenth Annual Bangor International Model Train Convention"! Look who's hosting! Sabastian Bach, Skid Row! My God, "Trains from all over the world, this year featuring the Swayzie Express"!
Julian: Swayzie Express? Patrick Swayze?
Bubbles: (Confessional) Julian's always been really sensitive about the whole Patrick Swayze thing because, when we were kids in school the other kids used to tease him and call him "Patrick Swayze" but Julian was reeeeally into Dirty Dancing! I remember one time me and Ricky were coming over to get Julian to go ride bikes and we walked in the trailer and Julian was dressed up like him, pretending he was in the movie Dirty Dancing! Ricky told everyone at school and from then on they teased him, "Patrick Swayze"!
Julian: Are you fucking with me here, Bubbs? 'Cause it's not funny, man.
Bubbles: No, Julian! Not that Patrick Swayze, not the actor, Patrick Swayze. This is a different one.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Lucy and Sarah are helping Randy try on new pants]
Lucy: The navy's really good. I actually can't see your underwear for once.
Sarah: Yeah, they look really good, Randy. They're a big improvement.
Randy: They're so comfortable. My other ones were so tight!
[Randy rocks from side to side, stretching in the new pants as Sarah checks a cuff]
Sarah: Yeah, they're only one size bigger, too.
[Randy's gut hits Sarah in the face]
Sarah: Randy!
Randy: Sorry, Sarah.
Ricky: (from outside) Lucy, get the fuck out here and tell me what's going on! Nice pants, Randy! You still look fucking stupid! Lucy, I'm serious! Get out here and talk to me!
Lucy: The navy's really good. I actually can't see your underwear for once.
Sarah: Yeah, they look really good, Randy. They're a big improvement.
Randy: They're so comfortable. My other ones were so tight!
[Randy rocks from side to side, stretching in the new pants as Sarah checks a cuff]
Sarah: Yeah, they're only one size bigger, too.
[Randy's gut hits Sarah in the face]
Sarah: Randy!
Randy: Sorry, Sarah.
Ricky: (from outside) Lucy, get the fuck out here and tell me what's going on! Nice pants, Randy! You still look fucking stupid! Lucy, I'm serious! Get out here and talk to me!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Barb: So what do you wanna talk about Randy, or do you need to be high first?
Randy: There's no real easy way of saying this. I frigged up.
Barb: What are you talking about?
Randy: Basically, I banged Lucy and knocked her up...no big deal.
Barb: Oh my god. That was you? Ugh, greasy. Do you know the whole park is talking about that?
Lahey: You cheated on me, Randy? You cheated on us? You cheated on us?!
Randy: There's no real easy way of saying this. I frigged up.
Barb: What are you talking about?
Randy: Basically, I banged Lucy and knocked her up...no big deal.
Barb: Oh my god. That was you? Ugh, greasy. Do you know the whole park is talking about that?
Lahey: You cheated on me, Randy? You cheated on us? You cheated on us?!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Barb: So that's $176.92, now would you like me to give it to you, or should I give it directly to your drug dealer?
Randy: Look, you guys have a good time frigg dancin'. And Barb, your scalloped potatoes are FUCKED.
Lahey: They're fantastic, Barb.
Randy: Look, you guys have a good time frigg dancin'. And Barb, your scalloped potatoes are FUCKED.
Lahey: They're fantastic, Barb.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ray: Ahh fuck sakes Phil!!!!!
Bubbles: Ricky I got onion ring fragments on me, get them off!
Ricky: I'm not touching those things!
Bubbles: GET THEM OFF!
Bubbles: Ricky I got onion ring fragments on me, get them off!
Ricky: I'm not touching those things!
Bubbles: GET THEM OFF!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys