Trailer Park Boys Quotes
Bubbles: Check this baby out...that there's called the Super Double Bunk BQ...built that myself...like to see that Red Blue Green cocksucker put one of those together...Duct-taping it.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: Ricky, those laws are there to protect kids, not so goofballs like you can put them in the car with no door on it, and drive around the fuckin' neighbourhood stealin' barbecues!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: What in the fuck are you dressed up like a bumblebee for? And why do you look like Indianapolis Jones?
Mr. Lahey: It's none of your goddamn business, Ricky. If you must know, Randy and I were rehearsing for a play for the Blandford Recreation Centre next Thursday.
Randy: No! Mr. Lahey, we wern't rehearsing for a play.
Mr. Lahey: We were practicing Randy.
Randy: It's not Halloween, we're not doing community theatre.
Mr. Lahey: Randy...
Randy: We're consenting adults. And what we do in the privacy of our own home is...is fine, Mr. Lahey.
Mr. Lahey: (quietly) Randy, please.
Randy: And I don't care. I don't care if the whole world knows that we like to dress up, that we like to have some fun...and that, we're a couple. Hey everybody! We're gay!
Ricky: (shocked) What?
Randy: Say it Mr. Lahey. It feels great.
Mr. Lahey: All right Randy. We'll do it your way. Everybody...I'm gay.
[The camera leans to a shocked Bubbles, who awkwardly turns away]
Mr. Lahey: It's none of your goddamn business, Ricky. If you must know, Randy and I were rehearsing for a play for the Blandford Recreation Centre next Thursday.
Randy: No! Mr. Lahey, we wern't rehearsing for a play.
Mr. Lahey: We were practicing Randy.
Randy: It's not Halloween, we're not doing community theatre.
Mr. Lahey: Randy...
Randy: We're consenting adults. And what we do in the privacy of our own home is...is fine, Mr. Lahey.
Mr. Lahey: (quietly) Randy, please.
Randy: And I don't care. I don't care if the whole world knows that we like to dress up, that we like to have some fun...and that, we're a couple. Hey everybody! We're gay!
Ricky: (shocked) What?
Randy: Say it Mr. Lahey. It feels great.
Mr. Lahey: All right Randy. We'll do it your way. Everybody...I'm gay.
[The camera leans to a shocked Bubbles, who awkwardly turns away]
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: The fastest way to get money is to steal a bank machine. It doesn't take rocket appliances.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Mr.Lahey: Well Rick, looks like you fucked your shit goose this time, doesn't it?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Mr. Lahey: See this line?
[Lahey draws a line across the ground with a stick]
Mr. Lahey: That's the freedom line, Ricky. You come back over that line, and you go to jail.
Ricky: Uh? Like what, like this?
[Ricky continuously goes back and forth over the line]
Ricky: Like that? Am I going to jail now? Huh?
[Lahey draws a line across the ground with a stick]
Mr. Lahey: That's the freedom line, Ricky. You come back over that line, and you go to jail.
Ricky: Uh? Like what, like this?
[Ricky continuously goes back and forth over the line]
Ricky: Like that? Am I going to jail now? Huh?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: Once a criminal, always a criminal, huh? That's what everybody thinks? Cause if that's the case, I might as well just march my ass back to jail. Where it's nice and warm. I'm gonna spend the fuckin' winter there, getting drunk and stoned, with good dope.
Mr. Lahey: Is that the end of the great Sunnyvale Trailer Park eviction speech, Ricky?
Ricky: Actually, it's not. Hope you're fuckin' proud of yourself, cause the end of my speech is...(points middle finger at Lahey) Fuck you...(points middle finger at Randy) Fuck you...(points middle finger at Erica) Fuck you...(points middle finger at Julian) Fuck you....Fuck everybody.
Mr. Lahey: Is that the end of the great Sunnyvale Trailer Park eviction speech, Ricky?
Ricky: Actually, it's not. Hope you're fuckin' proud of yourself, cause the end of my speech is...(points middle finger at Lahey) Fuck you...(points middle finger at Randy) Fuck you...(points middle finger at Erica) Fuck you...(points middle finger at Julian) Fuck you....Fuck everybody.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: (to Julian) Have fun on your little cop cruise, all right? Just remember what you gave up: A fuckin' guy that you could get drunk with, get stoned with, didn't ask any fuckin' questions about nothin', just hang out and have a good fuckin' time. We broke the law here and then, we did whatever we could to get by. Just remember, you gave that up for a fuckin' girlfriend, buddy. A fuckin' cop girlfriend! I know I won't forget it. Thanks a lot. (to Bubbles) Sorry, buddy. You have a good time on the cruise. You deserve it. Everybody else can fuck off!
Bubbles: That was a good speech, Ricky.
Bubbles: That was a good speech, Ricky.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Ricky stops at a gas station with a cigarette]
Jacob: Excuse me, sir. Could you please step 20 feet away from the pump and extinguish your cigarette?
Ricky: Can you please fuck off? Thank you.
Jacob: Excuse me, sir. Could you please step 20 feet away from the pump and extinguish your cigarette?
Ricky: Can you please fuck off? Thank you.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Ricky stops at a Tim Horton's parking lot and climbs on top of his car, trying to get arrested]
Ricky: Hey everybody! Come on over here, please? [Ricky grabs a few people's attention] I just want you guys to know that I am drunk as fuck, driving around town drunk, I'm on dope, and I want you to call the police. I wanna go back to jail. Please? [Ricky pulls out his handgun] Not only that, but I got a loaded hand gun right here. I'm gonna start firing this off. So please call the cops. [Ricky fires two shots as the people run away]
Ricky: Hey everybody! Come on over here, please? [Ricky grabs a few people's attention] I just want you guys to know that I am drunk as fuck, driving around town drunk, I'm on dope, and I want you to call the police. I wanna go back to jail. Please? [Ricky pulls out his handgun] Not only that, but I got a loaded hand gun right here. I'm gonna start firing this off. So please call the cops. [Ricky fires two shots as the people run away]
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Attempting to distract Ricky]
Bubbles: Holy fuck, have you guys ever tried that dope-flavoured rum?
Bubbles: Holy fuck, have you guys ever tried that dope-flavoured rum?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Video opens with Bubbles & Julian running over to Ricky who is passed out, face down in the driveway.]
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: Ricky! Ricky! Ricky, get up!
Julian: Ricky, get up!
Bubbles: Ah, he's drunk as hell, Julian! We gotta go steal a motor, Ricky.
Ricky: What the fuck are you talkin' about, Bubbles?
Bubbles: Gord's gonna give us some chicken if we get him a new motor.
Ricky: How much chicken?
Gord: One bucket.
Ricky: One bucket, are you fucked in the head?! I can easily fuck over like 10 pieces of chicken...not one bucket.
Bubbles: Oh, we didn't know you meant one bucket. I can eat a fuckin' bucket myself.
Ricky: Alright, here's the deal...I want two buckets of chicken...I want some gravy, mashed potatoes, fries...
Bubbles: Yeah, macaroni salad...
Julian: Chocolate cake...
Bubbles: Warm buns, butter, coleslaw...
Gord: ONE...BUCKET!
Ricky: Two buckets of chicken and a drive to the liquor store.
Gord: Deal.
Julian: Ricky, get up!
Bubbles: Ah, he's drunk as hell, Julian! We gotta go steal a motor, Ricky.
Ricky: What the fuck are you talkin' about, Bubbles?
Bubbles: Gord's gonna give us some chicken if we get him a new motor.
Ricky: How much chicken?
Gord: One bucket.
Ricky: One bucket, are you fucked in the head?! I can easily fuck over like 10 pieces of chicken...not one bucket.
Bubbles: Oh, we didn't know you meant one bucket. I can eat a fuckin' bucket myself.
Ricky: Alright, here's the deal...I want two buckets of chicken...I want some gravy, mashed potatoes, fries...
Bubbles: Yeah, macaroni salad...
Julian: Chocolate cake...
Bubbles: Warm buns, butter, coleslaw...
Gord: ONE...BUCKET!
Ricky: Two buckets of chicken and a drive to the liquor store.
Gord: Deal.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: J-ROC! Listen, Julian got out of jail early, he doesn't even know we're growing weed. I gotta create a distraction, J-ROC. Can you please let me say we got this car for him as a present?
J-ROC: Bubbles, this is my brand-new whip, ma-fucka! Don't do that to me, you know what I'm sayin'?
Bubbles: Come on, J-ROC! I'm in a jam. I got an idea... Two grams of blonde Lebanese hash?
J-ROC: Let me check this shit out...
Bubbles: (drops the hash) Shit! (hands J-ROC the hash) Check that out.
J-ROC: Bubbles, that ain't even blonde, you know what I'm sayin' ma-fucka... (smells the hash)
Bubbles: It's dirty blonde, though! Look, it's got blonde streaks into it, it's Lebanese...
J-ROC: All right, B. Don't say I didn't have your back, you know what I'm sayin'?
J-ROC: Bubbles, this is my brand-new whip, ma-fucka! Don't do that to me, you know what I'm sayin'?
Bubbles: Come on, J-ROC! I'm in a jam. I got an idea... Two grams of blonde Lebanese hash?
J-ROC: Let me check this shit out...
Bubbles: (drops the hash) Shit! (hands J-ROC the hash) Check that out.
J-ROC: Bubbles, that ain't even blonde, you know what I'm sayin' ma-fucka... (smells the hash)
Bubbles: It's dirty blonde, though! Look, it's got blonde streaks into it, it's Lebanese...
J-ROC: All right, B. Don't say I didn't have your back, you know what I'm sayin'?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: Julian, I'm craving some Chalet take-out. Come on, my treat?
Julian: All right, all right!
Bubbles: And then we're gettin' drunk, all right?
Julian: Okay, thank you!
Tyrone: Man, Bubbles, man, I would like some chicken, man. Get me a quarter chicken dinner, extra gravy.
DVS: Fa sho'. Quarter chicken dinner, french fries, onion rings.
J-ROC: Chicken-rib combo, extra roll, B.
Bubbles: Boys, boys, come off it! This is distraction chicken I'm buying Julian!
J-ROC: Oh, so now I'm like, 'you got my whip,' you know what I'm sayin', 'but I ain't got no chicken!'
Julian: All right, all right!
Bubbles: And then we're gettin' drunk, all right?
Julian: Okay, thank you!
Tyrone: Man, Bubbles, man, I would like some chicken, man. Get me a quarter chicken dinner, extra gravy.
DVS: Fa sho'. Quarter chicken dinner, french fries, onion rings.
J-ROC: Chicken-rib combo, extra roll, B.
Bubbles: Boys, boys, come off it! This is distraction chicken I'm buying Julian!
J-ROC: Oh, so now I'm like, 'you got my whip,' you know what I'm sayin', 'but I ain't got no chicken!'
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Mr. Lahey: Look, you might have my job now, Ricky. But I got something you'll never have.
Ricky: Yeah? What's that, Lahey?
Mr. Lahey: My Grade 11.
Ricky: Yeah? What's that, Lahey?
Mr. Lahey: My Grade 11.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Bubbles walks up to Randy while playing guitar drunk]
Bubbles: (singing) Fuckin' Randy's gut, it's full of dirty little cheeseburgers...
Bubbles: (singing) Fuckin' Randy's gut, it's full of dirty little cheeseburgers...
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: (honks horn) Get over here you little f... NO NO NO NO NO! Don't throw bottles at me! Don't throw bottles at me ever, OK? Now listen up. I want you to hit lot 423, hit it hard, OK? You guys know what flaming shit bags are? Good. Throw some of those in the mix. I got two big bags of chips. I'll give you one now and one when you're done. Move it out, boys. (bottle kids run off) He can stick his Grade 11 up his ass.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Mr. Lahey: Are you really this fucking stupid?
George Green: Let's talk about stupid, Jim. I'm gonna put this in a way that even someone like you can understand. Remember the story of the little boy who cried wolf? In case you forgot, he was a little boy who cried for help because he said there was a wolf after him. Each time the people of the village came running, and each time there was no wolf. Eventually they got really tired of it. So when he calls for help because there's a real wolf after him, nobody takes him seriously. Nobody comes, because nobody cares. Do you see where I'm going with this, Jim?
Mr. Lahey: George, I know it looks like I'm off the-
[George interupts him]
George Green: Listen. What we have here, Jim, is a shitwolf. Do you know what a shitwolf is? You never seem to have that crucial little thing called evidence. But each time you cry shitwolf, and each time I come running. No more, Jim. Never again.
Mr. Lahey: G-
[George interupts him again]
George Green: Now, I want you to tell me what the moral of the story is.
Mr. Lahey: George..
George Green: No. Say it Jim. Say it.
Mr. Lahey: Never cry shitwolf.
George Green: Let's talk about stupid, Jim. I'm gonna put this in a way that even someone like you can understand. Remember the story of the little boy who cried wolf? In case you forgot, he was a little boy who cried for help because he said there was a wolf after him. Each time the people of the village came running, and each time there was no wolf. Eventually they got really tired of it. So when he calls for help because there's a real wolf after him, nobody takes him seriously. Nobody comes, because nobody cares. Do you see where I'm going with this, Jim?
Mr. Lahey: George, I know it looks like I'm off the-
[George interupts him]
George Green: Listen. What we have here, Jim, is a shitwolf. Do you know what a shitwolf is? You never seem to have that crucial little thing called evidence. But each time you cry shitwolf, and each time I come running. No more, Jim. Never again.
Mr. Lahey: G-
[George interupts him again]
George Green: Now, I want you to tell me what the moral of the story is.
Mr. Lahey: George..
George Green: No. Say it Jim. Say it.
Mr. Lahey: Never cry shitwolf.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Police officers arrive at the trailer park to confiscate stolen Christmas trees]}
Officer Cliff: Would anyone be willing to tell me who they bought their Christmas tree from this year?
Danny/Donnie: I DON'T KNOW... WOULD ANYONE HERE LIKE TO SUCK MY COCK?
Officer Cliff: Would anyone be willing to tell me who they bought their Christmas tree from this year?
Danny/Donnie: I DON'T KNOW... WOULD ANYONE HERE LIKE TO SUCK MY COCK?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ray: Boys! Let's go. We have to get to church. Let's go.
Ricky: Dad, I can't go to church. Got a bunch of dope from jail and we're going down to the pool hall to make some money!
Ray: Ricky, it's Christmas. We're going to church. That's the way it goes.
Julian: Ray, I've got gifts to sell. I'm not going to church. I can't go to church...
Bubbles: I'm not going to church. I have no interest in going...
Ricky: Dad, I gotta sell my dope...
Ray: WAY IT GOES! Way it goes, boys.
Ricky: Dad, I can't go to church. Got a bunch of dope from jail and we're going down to the pool hall to make some money!
Ray: Ricky, it's Christmas. We're going to church. That's the way it goes.
Julian: Ray, I've got gifts to sell. I'm not going to church. I can't go to church...
Bubbles: I'm not going to church. I have no interest in going...
Ricky: Dad, I gotta sell my dope...
Ray: WAY IT GOES! Way it goes, boys.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Ricky approaches Bubbles while he's playing basketball]
Ricky: Bubbles. You really fucked up this time, didn't you?
(Voice over)
Ricky: Well Bubbles only plays basketball when he's really pissed off and stressed out so I knew it was a delicately situation that I approached, and, you know, I approached him like an adult.
Ricky: How'd you let things get so fucked up, anyway? You know I can't do it, I'm stupid.
Bubbles: What the fuck did you just say to me, Ricky? How did I let it get fucked up? You know what? You can take your assistant trailer park supervisor job, and all your EI papers, illegal mortgages, VISA statements, all that other bullshit that I'm involved in, and stick it right in there.
[Points to Ricky's ass]
(voice over)
Bubbles: I told him to stick his job and all the papers and everything up his arse, and he didn't even know what I was talkin' about, and then I said Julian left and it's his fault and he still didn't know what I was talking about, so I just got pissed off and I quit.
Bubbles: I'm fuckin' quitting, that's it.
Ricky: Fine, fine, go ahead and quit, I don't care, but I can't give you your vacation pay until we get paid, you know that, when we grow the dope and we harvest it, then we get paid.
Bubbles: Well you can give me some chips in the meantime!
(Voice-over)
Bubbles: He owes me 260 bucks vacation pay, he won't fuckin' pay that so I figured a handfull of chips wasn't too much to ask...
[Bubbles grabs some chips from Ricky's bag]
Ricky: Put half of those back.
Bubbles: I'm actually takin' more, Ricky!
[Bubbles grabs more, Ricky pulls the bag away]
Ricky: Fuck off, Bubbles, seriously!
Bubbles: (showing Ricky the chips) Look at that.
(Voice-over as Bubbles
Ricky: Bubbles. You really fucked up this time, didn't you?
(Voice over)
Ricky: Well Bubbles only plays basketball when he's really pissed off and stressed out so I knew it was a delicately situation that I approached, and, you know, I approached him like an adult.
Ricky: How'd you let things get so fucked up, anyway? You know I can't do it, I'm stupid.
Bubbles: What the fuck did you just say to me, Ricky? How did I let it get fucked up? You know what? You can take your assistant trailer park supervisor job, and all your EI papers, illegal mortgages, VISA statements, all that other bullshit that I'm involved in, and stick it right in there.
[Points to Ricky's ass]
(voice over)
Bubbles: I told him to stick his job and all the papers and everything up his arse, and he didn't even know what I was talkin' about, and then I said Julian left and it's his fault and he still didn't know what I was talking about, so I just got pissed off and I quit.
Bubbles: I'm fuckin' quitting, that's it.
Ricky: Fine, fine, go ahead and quit, I don't care, but I can't give you your vacation pay until we get paid, you know that, when we grow the dope and we harvest it, then we get paid.
Bubbles: Well you can give me some chips in the meantime!
(Voice-over)
Bubbles: He owes me 260 bucks vacation pay, he won't fuckin' pay that so I figured a handfull of chips wasn't too much to ask...
[Bubbles grabs some chips from Ricky's bag]
Ricky: Put half of those back.
Bubbles: I'm actually takin' more, Ricky!
[Bubbles grabs more, Ricky pulls the bag away]
Ricky: Fuck off, Bubbles, seriously!
Bubbles: (showing Ricky the chips) Look at that.
(Voice-over as Bubbles
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: Here's a little piece of hash, go to the stove, do some hot knives, get stoned, and get to work.
Randy: I can't get stoned, Ricky
Ricky: What do you mean? It's shitty work, everybody does that, all right? Carpenters, electricians, dishwashers, floor cleaners, lawyers, doctors, fuckin' politicians, CBC employees, principals, people who paint the lines on the fuckin' roads. Get stoned, it'll be fun, get to work.
Randy: I can't get stoned, Ricky
Ricky: What do you mean? It's shitty work, everybody does that, all right? Carpenters, electricians, dishwashers, floor cleaners, lawyers, doctors, fuckin' politicians, CBC employees, principals, people who paint the lines on the fuckin' roads. Get stoned, it'll be fun, get to work.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Julian: You're not prostituting yourself for cheeseburgers again, are ya, Randy?
Randy: Man's gotta eat, Julian.
Randy: Man's gotta eat, Julian.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: (to a drunk, homeless Julian) You gotta come back to the trailer park right now. I got a job for you, it's gonna be perfect: Assistant Trailer Park Supervisor.
[Julian laughs]
Julian: (drunkly) Assistant.
Ricky: That's right, buddy. 4600 bucks a year. Bubbles quit and I could use a hand. I'm gonna straigten all the shit out man, things are gonna be cool.
[Randy overhears]
Randy: Hey Ricky, I'm looking for work!
Bubbles: Fuck off, Randy!
[Julian laughs]
Julian: (drunkly) Assistant.
Ricky: That's right, buddy. 4600 bucks a year. Bubbles quit and I could use a hand. I'm gonna straigten all the shit out man, things are gonna be cool.
[Randy overhears]
Randy: Hey Ricky, I'm looking for work!
Bubbles: Fuck off, Randy!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: How's it going, Randy? Did you get everything done?
Randy: Almost. Are those my burgers, Ricky? That's my burger, right?
Ricky: No, Barb made these for me.
Randy: I want my friggin' burger, Rick!
Ricky: Randy, I'll get yours later. You didn't finish your job.
[Randy tries to take the burger out of Ricky's hand]
Ricky: Fuck off Randy!
Randy: Fuck you!
Ricky: You get the fuckin' chicken chips -
[Randy grabs the burger and tries to eat it as Ricky starts choking him]
Ricky: Fuckin' asshole! Give me that back you fuckin' dick! Let go of it! Stop grabbing it!
[Lahey sees Ricky from his back view, making it look like Randy is trying to perform oral sex on him]
Ricky: Get your hands of it! Get your fuckin' hands of it!
Randy: IT'S MINE!!
Mr. Lahey: [in shock] Smokey!
[Lahey trips and accidently shoots the arrow towards Ricky and Randy]
[Ricky gets shot in the back of his shoulder with the arrow]
Ricky: [in pain] FUCK!!! WHAT THE FUCK?! Ahh, Jesus Christ!
[Ricky takes out his gun and starts shooting aimlessly]
Donny: WHAT IN THE FUCK?!
Julian: What are you doing? Give me that!
Ricky: I'm trying to shoot whoever fucking shot me!
Mr. Lahey: Randy, how could you do that?
Ricky: Jesus CHRIST!!!
Randy: Do what?
Mr. Lahey: What you were doing with Ricky.
Randy: I wasn't doing anything with Ricky.
Ricky: Is that a fuckin' bone arrow? You fuckin' shot me!
Mr. Lahey: It was an accident, Ricky. I was trying to shoot a blue jay.
Ricky: I'll show you a fuckin' blue jay!
Julian: Ricky, it was an accident! Listen, you can call the cops o
Randy: Almost. Are those my burgers, Ricky? That's my burger, right?
Ricky: No, Barb made these for me.
Randy: I want my friggin' burger, Rick!
Ricky: Randy, I'll get yours later. You didn't finish your job.
[Randy tries to take the burger out of Ricky's hand]
Ricky: Fuck off Randy!
Randy: Fuck you!
Ricky: You get the fuckin' chicken chips -
[Randy grabs the burger and tries to eat it as Ricky starts choking him]
Ricky: Fuckin' asshole! Give me that back you fuckin' dick! Let go of it! Stop grabbing it!
[Lahey sees Ricky from his back view, making it look like Randy is trying to perform oral sex on him]
Ricky: Get your hands of it! Get your fuckin' hands of it!
Randy: IT'S MINE!!
Mr. Lahey: [in shock] Smokey!
[Lahey trips and accidently shoots the arrow towards Ricky and Randy]
[Ricky gets shot in the back of his shoulder with the arrow]
Ricky: [in pain] FUCK!!! WHAT THE FUCK?! Ahh, Jesus Christ!
[Ricky takes out his gun and starts shooting aimlessly]
Donny: WHAT IN THE FUCK?!
Julian: What are you doing? Give me that!
Ricky: I'm trying to shoot whoever fucking shot me!
Mr. Lahey: Randy, how could you do that?
Ricky: Jesus CHRIST!!!
Randy: Do what?
Mr. Lahey: What you were doing with Ricky.
Randy: I wasn't doing anything with Ricky.
Ricky: Is that a fuckin' bone arrow? You fuckin' shot me!
Mr. Lahey: It was an accident, Ricky. I was trying to shoot a blue jay.
Ricky: I'll show you a fuckin' blue jay!
Julian: Ricky, it was an accident! Listen, you can call the cops o
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
TV Narrator: The Sasquatch: Fact Or Fiction?
Ricky: Those big hairy monsters, they're real, Trin.
Trinity: No they're not.
Ricky: Look at that thing. What person ever moved like that in the history of people?
Ricky: Those big hairy monsters, they're real, Trin.
Trinity: No they're not.
Ricky: Look at that thing. What person ever moved like that in the history of people?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys