Trailer Park Boys Quotes

Ricky: Fuck, the cops are here boys! I got an idea. It's pretty fucked up, but it might work, okay?
Bubbles: Is that dog pee?
Ricky: Yeah. Hold this, Bubbles. I say we got about a 10% chance of getting out of this one, boys.
Officer George Green: (over loudspeaker) Attention! This is the police! Put down your weapons...
Ricky: Is that George Green, boys?
Bubbles: That's definitely George Green!
Ricky: Wicked! Okay, forget what I said! Our chances just went up to 95%!

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Julian: All right boys, let's dump him in.
Bubbles: Wait, could I at least keep his glasses and his little sweater?
Ricky: No way, bad idea, Bubbles.
Julian: Come on, Bubs, let's go. (Julian leaves with a tearful Bubbles)
Ricky: (tossing Conky in his "coffin" into the swamp) Fuck you, Conky.

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[while searching for the samsquamtch that's been destroying their weed field]
Ricky: Bubbles, hold the bernoculars. If this thing's down there, Julian, I want you to shoot him, then I'm gonna jump on top of the cocksucker with a net and we're gonna have to beat him with everything we fuckin' got.
[Ricky turns his attention to the camera crew]
Ricky: I could need some help from you dicks, alright?
[Ricky grabs the microphone boom and brings the mic close to his face]
Ricky: You hear that there, Mr. Microphone Man? If we get this thing down in the net, you fuckin' jump in and help us!
[Ricky pushes the boom away from himself, causing the sound man to drop the boom]
Ricky: Friggin' idiot.
Crew Member: Frig off, Rick!
Ricky: Don't tell me to frig off. Thing attacks you, I'm not even gonna jump in.
[Bubbles falls down while walking down a trail]
Bubbles: Boys, I slipped in poop! Bigfoot poop!
[Bubbles tries to catch a look at the bottom of his shoes]
Bubbles: Do I got Bigfoot poop on me?

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[as they find the mountain lion that's been eating their weed]
Julian: Holy shit, boys, don't move! So that's who's been eating our weed...
Ricky: You little fucker... Okay, you guys stay here. I'm gonna throw the net on him, put him in a headlock, and choke him out.
Bubbles: Ricky, put the net down! You're not fuckin' choking him out!
Ricky: Why?
Bubbles: He's just a big kitty, boys! I can deal with this, I know kitties!
Ricky: What if he has radies?
Bubbles: Ricky, it's rabies, with a B, not "radies". And he doesn't have rabies. He's been eating weed for a fuckin' month! He's baked out of his god damn mind, I can tell just the way he's standing there. He only did that to Trevor because he had that leopard print jacket on. See, he's just a big stoned, horny, kitty with the munchies! Trevor was eating chips, too! (pets the mountain lion) Who's a good boy?

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: You look kind of French with your little mustache, there. I'm gonna call you Steve French! That's a good name for you.

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: Julian, we found him!
Julian: Well, lock him in your shed, Bubbles.
Bubbles: He was down fucking around with Donnie's garbage, then he pooped on the hood of Mrs, Peterson's car!

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Mr.Lahey: We know there's a fuckin' animal in here, Ricky. The tracks lead right to shit town! What the fuck's goin' on?
Ricky: What the hell are you talking about, Lahey, you idiot... (throws Lahey's bow over the fence) Look, this is none of your fuckin' business. You know what? We all know what's going on here anyway. You're trying to fill my feet. Guess what, Lahey? You will never, ever be the fuckin' trailer park supervisor I was. Got that? You're fuckin' losin' it, bud!
Mr.Lahey: You know what Ricky? You already lost it. It's gone, BUD! Whatever it is, whatever you are... Gone. He who looks into the abyss realizes that there's nothin' looking back at him and the only thing he sees is his own character, Ricky. You understand? Bud? The abyss? The shit abyss?
Randy: Means deep stuff Ricky, you wouldn't understand.
Ricky: What does it mean then, Randy? Huh? Fuck does it mean?
Randy: Oh, I understand it.
Ricky: Oh you do, do you? No you don't. 'Cause it's fucked. 'Cause everything you assholes say, you take from books. Guess what? I don't steal anything from books. You guys, get the fuck outta here! (pushes Lahey into the car) Get the fuck outta here, I'm serious! (throws a net on Randy) And take your little net with you! (pushes Randy into the car)
Randy: Frig off, Ricky!
Ricky: Oh, we caught a little animal, there's a big fuckin' animal in the trailer park! Fuckin' dicks. Gets the fuck outta here! (slams the car door)

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[the mountain lion chases Trevor into Lahey and Randy's camper]
Mr.Lahey: Trevor, what the hell are you doing in our trailer? (Lahey watches as the lion follows Trevor into the camper) Oh, shit! Trevor!
Randy: Stop, drop, and roll, Trevor!
Mr.Lahey: That's for fire, Randy!

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Mr.Lahey: The shitabyss!
Randy: Mr. Lahey, not another night of the shitabyss, please?!
Mr.Lahey: Ah, fuck it.

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: What's that fuckin' smell?
Julian: Keep driving, Rick.
Ricky: Steve, I know you didn't shit on my seat...
Julian: Nah, everything's cool, Rick.
Bubbles: Ricky?
Ricky: What?
Bubbles: Steve French pooped on the seat.

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[After Bubbles emotionally said goodbye to Steve French]:
Bubbles: Are you guys crying?
Ricky: [trying to hold back his tears] No, we're not fuckin' crying!

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Sarah: Ricky. I just wanted to come and tell you that Corey and Trevor are now mine!
Ricky: Sarah I'm so sick of your shit. I own Corey and Trevor and that's never going to fuckin' change!

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Jim Lahey: Randy just doesn't understand. I mean I love him dearly but I hate Ricky more. I just don't wanna put up with that prick for the rest of my life. You know he grew up as a little shitspark from the old shitflint and then he turned into a shitbonfire and driven by the winds of his monumental ignorance he turned into a raging shitfirestorm. If I get to be married to Barb I'll have total control of Sunnyvale and then I can unleash the shitnami tidal wave that will engulf Ricky and extinguish his shitflames forever. And with any luck he'll drown in the undershit of that wave. Shitwaves.

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Jim Lahey: *Drunk* Hey, Bubbles. I need a little (starts singing) Propane Propane. Time to start the flame. Propane Propane.
Bubbles: Mr Lahey.. You're pissing yourself.

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Lahey: Tic-toc Tic-toc. Shit clocks tickin' Rick.

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Rita McNeil: *singing "Working Man" while harvesting marijuana*
Ricky: What in the fuck is going on? Can everybody please stop fucking singing?
Bubbles: Ricky, you're forcing Rita McNeil and her band to harvest dope at gunpoint... you could be a little fucking nicer!
Rita Mcneil: *handing a dope plant to Ricky* Here's a good one, dear.

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Lahey: You are the dumbest cop on the force, George. The dumbest.

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
J-Roc: Ricky, what the fuck happend to your head man?
Ricky: Fucking Lahey blew me up! What happend to your head? Why your wearing a wig J-Roc? That's fucked
J-Roc: Yo I ain't J-Roc, that mutha fuka is in jail
T: Ya that's not J-Roc, J-Rocs in jail till the album drops!
J-Roc: That's right T

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Lucy: Merry Christmas, Jules. Got you a little something. A mistletoe belt buckle.
Lucy: (confessional) I made a special Christmas present for Julian. It's a... It's a mistletoe belt buckle.
Bubbles: You're supposed to smooch what's ever under mistletoe, so... It's not too hard to figure out what she's tryin' to say.

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: There is nothing better than being in jail at Christmas. Guards let you party for twelve days straight, got no fuckin' work chores or book readin's or Christmas trees or giving gifts or fuckin' lights... Fuck all that bullshit! (To other prisoners) Let's get fucked up!
Guard: Ricky, you got somebody here to see you.
Ricky: What are you talking about?
[Bubbles is warming up as Ricky walks into the room]
Ricky: Bubbles! What are you doing here, buddy?
Bubbles: Hey Ricky! Julian bailed you out! You're out!
Ricky: What?
Bubbles: Get your stuff!
Ricky: No, Bubbs, no! I got twelve days of partying. Come back in twelve days, buddy.
Bubbles: Ricky, what are you talking about? Come on, we getting you out! Sign out!
Ricky: Oh my fuck! I don't wanna leave now! What the fuck's he doing bailing me out? Fuck! Thiebaud! Thiebaud, go get my shit. Apparently I'm out. Christmas is fuckin' ruined.

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: I can't believe Julian bailed me out. I mean, he knows how cool it is in jail at Christmas and he ruined it anyways! Julian's up to something, I fuckin' know he is!
[The guard getting Ricky's things out of a storage room passes out, knocking over a shelf with a crash]
Ricky: Jesus Christ. Dougie! Fuckin' Chris passed out again!
[Ricky walks into the storage room and grabs his coat, the other guard walks in]
Ricky: I told you man, he's drinking rum and smoking weed! Keep him on the hash. Can't smoke weed and drink rum!

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ray: So tell me, buddy... What did you learn about being a man on the inside this time around, man?
Ricky: Dad, not this shit!
Ray: Not shit, Rick. I'm talking about your soul. And we're going to midnight mass tomorrow night too, boys, by the way...
Ricky: No...
Ray: Way it goes! What did you learn about being a man?
Ricky: Mostly just family stuff. I mean, well, a man is... is supposed to... always be thinkin' about stuff about his family and for to make himself to do things that are gonna good-er the family up-around and good-er it up. And that is what is a man.
Ray: Yeah. Yeah, no, you're, you're, you're right. But did you ever wonder why a smart guy like you is on this earth, Rick? Smart guy with a good soul, a guy who shouldn't be in jail?
Ricky: Dad, don't be dissin' jail. Seriously. Don't fuckin' dis jail.
Ray: I'm not dissing jail, Rick. I'm not dissing jail, buddy. I'm talking about your spirituality here, okay? Come on, spirituality!
Ricky: Dad, I write letters every year, you know that. I mean, I'm sending a letter off to the big guy tomorrow. So, it's taken care of. Done. No problem.
Ray: Huh?
Ricky: The letters... You and Mom got me to write them every year at Christmas. I'm sending one off tomorrow again.
Ray: To Santa Claus, Rick?!
Ricky: Yeah, the big guy.
Bubbles: The big guy?! The big guy? That's God, Ricky.
Ricky: Yeah, God. That's what I said. Santa.
Ray: Ricky, come on, you know Santa and God aren't the same guy, right?
Ricky: Dad, you didn't know that? I mean, think about it! How would he get around the world in one night? Of course he's the same person. Right, Bubs?
Bubbles: No, Ricky. Santa and God, that's two different things.
Ricky: What?...
R

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Julian: Boys, get these trees delivered! Come on!
Ricky: Hurry the fuck up, we gotta go down to the mall! Fuckin' nerds...
Bubbles: (laughs) Nerds!
Julian: What the fuck are you guys doing? Huh? Grab a tree! Both of yas! One each!
Cory: You want one of these ones, er...
Julian: Just grab a fuckin' tree!
Ricky: Hey! Nerds! Let's go!
Trevor: Julian, I can't get the tree out, it's stuck!
Ricky: You can't get the tree out because you're a nerd! Why is there two nerds carrying one tree?! One tree per nerd! God damn fuckin' nerds!

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Randy: Hey! Do you like to party?
Barb: Excuse me?
Randy: Do you like to party?
Barb: Oh my God! Randal? Are you a male prostitute?
Randy: Barb Lahey?
Barb: You are. You're a male prostitute and you've been drinking!
Randy: No, I'm not a male prostitute! I work construction down in Florida. I got time off for Christmas.
Barb: Randal...
Randy: Okay, I am a male prostitute and I've had a couple drinks.
Barb: Oh my God, you poor thing! Go on, get in my car and warm up. Do you like cheeseburgers, hon?

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Randy: Simon?
Barb: No! No, this is Jim. And Jim, this is Randal. Well, Randy. He's gonna be staying with us for a little while. Just temporarily. I thought he could help you out around the park, you know, for a bit of food and a place to stay.
Lahey: Staying with us...
Barb: Well, yes. That is why I started the outreach program at the church! You just, um, you just make yourself at home, Randy.
[Barb walks out of the room]
Randy: Simon, you're married?!
Lahey: Don't you say a fuckin' word! And don't call me Simon. Please never call me Simon, always Mr. Lahey! Always. Always!

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Jamie puts a record on]
Jamie: Tyler, have you ever tried marijuana?
Tyler: I don't know, Jamie. Marijuana's pretty hardcore.
Jamie: No it isn't. Everybody's doing it. I think we should try it.
[Jamie lights up a joint as the power goes out; the sound of the record slows down to a stop]
Tyler: That sounded pretty cool.

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: My God, Ricky! I think it's a letter from my mom! (reading letter aloud) Dear Bubbles: Merry Christmas. Sorry we're not there with you. It was the hardest thing we've ever done, when me and your dad had to pack up and leave you, but some very dangerous men were coming after your daddy, for his gambling, fighting and shooting his mouth off, drunk down at the legion. We never wanted to put you into any jeopardy so we had to leave fast. Hopefully some day you'll understand. P.S.: I've asked Julian's grandmother if you could stay with them for a bit. She said no problem, Julian would look after you. You're lucky you have a friend like Julian and that Richard boy who you try to help out with his school work.

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: Ricky, that was Blade Runner: The Director's Cut. That's not the name of the movie.
Terry: Dennis, what the fuck is going on here? Dennis: Terry, can you do me a fucking favour and just chill out a little bit? Alright? Everything is under control.


TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: For fucks sakes!

Dennis: Boys!
at it.

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Terry: Don't point the fucking gun at me!
Dennis: Put the fucking guns down!
(As the boys continue arguing, Julian unintentionally points the gun at their grandmother as she's walking by with snacks, ignoring or unaware of what's going on)
Dennis: Don't point the gun at my grandmother!!
Julian: I'm just taking a look at it!

TV Show: Trailer Park Boys