Veronica Mars Quotes
Veronica: I need you to get me into a restricted website.
Mac: Sure, what's the address?
Veronica: I don't know.
Mac: What's it for?
Veronica: It's a Neptune High gay chat room.
Mac: Veronica, you're not...
Veronica: No, I'm just curious. [chuckles] Curious as to what's posted on the website, more accurately. Here we go. Work your funky magic. [beat] And... nothing. What's the problem? [Mac stares at Veronica without speaking] ...You set it up, didn't you?
Mac: Sure, what's the address?
Veronica: I don't know.
Mac: What's it for?
Veronica: It's a Neptune High gay chat room.
Mac: Veronica, you're not...
Veronica: No, I'm just curious. [chuckles] Curious as to what's posted on the website, more accurately. Here we go. Work your funky magic. [beat] And... nothing. What's the problem? [Mac stares at Veronica without speaking] ...You set it up, didn't you?
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Jackie: You can ride with me if you want. I realize it's no bus filled with rowdy towel-snapping jocks, but it'll smell better.
Veronica: I don't know. Um... do you have room for my giant foam finger?
Jackie: I do, and I can even drop you off around the block if you're worried about being seen together.
Veronica: Yes. Please, by all means, protect my reputation.
Veronica: I don't know. Um... do you have room for my giant foam finger?
Jackie: I do, and I can even drop you off around the block if you're worried about being seen together.
Veronica: Yes. Please, by all means, protect my reputation.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Jane: Veronica!
Veronica: Hey, party girl.
Jane: I need your help.
Veronica: Let me guess: the "Pin the Penis on the Fireman" game ended in tears?
Veronica: Hey, party girl.
Jane: I need your help.
Veronica: Let me guess: the "Pin the Penis on the Fireman" game ended in tears?
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: So, you want me to come over after school?
Hannah: The words out of your mouth are, "come over," but all I hear you saying is, "Let's have sex."
Logan: Excuse me? All I heard you say was, "Let's have sex."
Hannah: The words out of your mouth are, "come over," but all I hear you saying is, "Let's have sex."
Logan: Excuse me? All I heard you say was, "Let's have sex."
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Cliff: They've set a trial date sixty days from today.
Logan: Whatever will I wear?
Cliff: The D.A. is offering a one-time deal, a plea bargain.
Logan: I'm not interested.
Cliff: You should be. They're talking involuntary manslaughter. That brings your maximum sentence down from eleven years to four. With good behavior - if you could muster some - you'd be out in half that.
Logan: [incredulous] Two years?
Cliff: Logan, [sighs] let me remind you the prosecution has witnesses. The good kind - eyewitnesses.
Logan: Cholo lowlives and a lying cokehead plastic surgeon.
Cliff: A prominent, well-respected cokehead doctor. And how many jurors you think we can find in Neptune who haven't been exposed to your winning charm in the "Tinseltown Diaries"? Jurors love convicting smug, rich boys - it's a fact. I've asked around - and I hope this isn't news to you, but no one likes you.
Logan: Even if I had stabbed Felix, which I didn't, it would've been self defense. I got jumped by a gang. Argue that.
Cliff: I plan to, but the doctor didn't see a gang. He saw three bikers, one of them bleeding to death, a knife in your hand. He'll testify that you weren't in peril when you stabbed Felix.
Logan: No deal.
Cliff: Well, if it helps you decide on your wardrobe, I'll be wearing an "I'm with Stupid" T-shirt.
Logan: Whatever will I wear?
Cliff: The D.A. is offering a one-time deal, a plea bargain.
Logan: I'm not interested.
Cliff: You should be. They're talking involuntary manslaughter. That brings your maximum sentence down from eleven years to four. With good behavior - if you could muster some - you'd be out in half that.
Logan: [incredulous] Two years?
Cliff: Logan, [sighs] let me remind you the prosecution has witnesses. The good kind - eyewitnesses.
Logan: Cholo lowlives and a lying cokehead plastic surgeon.
Cliff: A prominent, well-respected cokehead doctor. And how many jurors you think we can find in Neptune who haven't been exposed to your winning charm in the "Tinseltown Diaries"? Jurors love convicting smug, rich boys - it's a fact. I've asked around - and I hope this isn't news to you, but no one likes you.
Logan: Even if I had stabbed Felix, which I didn't, it would've been self defense. I got jumped by a gang. Argue that.
Cliff: I plan to, but the doctor didn't see a gang. He saw three bikers, one of them bleeding to death, a knife in your hand. He'll testify that you weren't in peril when you stabbed Felix.
Logan: No deal.
Cliff: Well, if it helps you decide on your wardrobe, I'll be wearing an "I'm with Stupid" T-shirt.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: I had the printers forego the phallic framing. Penises can sometimes be distracting.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Aaron: [in jail] So...to what do I owe the pleasure?
Kendall: I'm here to tempt you, Aaron.
Aaron: Well, mission accomplished. Or should I say...with what?
Kendall: Huge tracts of land...more action than I can handle. I'm here to offer you a piece.
Aaron: So I guess Big Dick still has his fingers in a few pies, huh?
Kendall: My husband's got quite a reach. Some are saying that he might be working abroad. [winks] Aaron, how would you like to walk out of here a richer man?
Aaron: Ahh! You're cash-strapped. No I get it. I can help. But... [imitating Hannibal Lecter] quid pro quo, Mrs. C. Quid pro quo. F-f-f-f-f-f-f.
Kendall: Impressive Hannibal. Well, they told me the glass is bulletproof, but I'm betting I could talk you through it. [unbuttons her top]
Kendall: I'm here to tempt you, Aaron.
Aaron: Well, mission accomplished. Or should I say...with what?
Kendall: Huge tracts of land...more action than I can handle. I'm here to offer you a piece.
Aaron: So I guess Big Dick still has his fingers in a few pies, huh?
Kendall: My husband's got quite a reach. Some are saying that he might be working abroad. [winks] Aaron, how would you like to walk out of here a richer man?
Aaron: Ahh! You're cash-strapped. No I get it. I can help. But... [imitating Hannibal Lecter] quid pro quo, Mrs. C. Quid pro quo. F-f-f-f-f-f-f.
Kendall: Impressive Hannibal. Well, they told me the glass is bulletproof, but I'm betting I could talk you through it. [unbuttons her top]
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Paul: Where have you been?
Heidi: We have a whole lifetime for stories. Let's do this thing. [to priest] Lay it on me, preacher man.
Paul: Uh, I demand to know what you've been up to.
Heidi: I didn't ask you what you were doing for your bachelor party. And after finding whipped cream in your underwear, I think I was entitled.
Paul: You were entitled? You - the one who sexed up every wannabe rock star in southern California? You know, if I wanted to marry Tawny Kitaen, I would have gotten a nipple pierced.
Heidi: How can you say that to me? Like I would ever sex up a drummer. Lead singer, yes. Maybe the occasional guitar player...
Heidi: We have a whole lifetime for stories. Let's do this thing. [to priest] Lay it on me, preacher man.
Paul: Uh, I demand to know what you've been up to.
Heidi: I didn't ask you what you were doing for your bachelor party. And after finding whipped cream in your underwear, I think I was entitled.
Paul: You were entitled? You - the one who sexed up every wannabe rock star in southern California? You know, if I wanted to marry Tawny Kitaen, I would have gotten a nipple pierced.
Heidi: How can you say that to me? Like I would ever sex up a drummer. Lead singer, yes. Maybe the occasional guitar player...
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Kendall: And that is why the Phoenix Land Trust is where you should put your money.
Logan: I'm confused. You're talking and your clothes are on. I'm starting to think you really came over here to try and sell me real estate.
Logan: I'm confused. You're talking and your clothes are on. I'm starting to think you really came over here to try and sell me real estate.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Dean: Okay, so we're gonna play a game called "Two Truths and a Lie." Does everyone have a buddy? [Veronica raises her hand] All alone?
Veronica: It's all right. I prefer it.
Dean: Lie. See, that's how the game works. [to group] You have to tell your partner two facts and one lie and they have to guess which one is the lie, all right? [to Veronica] Okay, so go ahead.
Veronica: Okay, I'm Veronica. I'm from Neptune. And I once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
Dean: Oh, how'd that go?
Veronica: It was a bit of a letdown.
Dean: Hmm. Well, uh, I don't believe that you're from Neptune.
Veronica: Wrong. Is that the end?
Dean: Um, okay. Well, my name is Dean, I'm from Wheaton, Illinois. My father owns a Ford dealership, and I also shot a man in Reno, but it wasn't to watch him die, it was for, other issues.
Veronica: Your father doesn't sell Fords.
Dean: That's right, Toyotas. How did you know?
Veronica: It's all in the eyes.
Dean: All right, well, I guess I'll have to watch out for you next year.
Veronica: Oh, I won't be attending.
Dean: All right, enough lies.
Veronica: It's all right. I prefer it.
Dean: Lie. See, that's how the game works. [to group] You have to tell your partner two facts and one lie and they have to guess which one is the lie, all right? [to Veronica] Okay, so go ahead.
Veronica: Okay, I'm Veronica. I'm from Neptune. And I once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
Dean: Oh, how'd that go?
Veronica: It was a bit of a letdown.
Dean: Hmm. Well, uh, I don't believe that you're from Neptune.
Veronica: Wrong. Is that the end?
Dean: Um, okay. Well, my name is Dean, I'm from Wheaton, Illinois. My father owns a Ford dealership, and I also shot a man in Reno, but it wasn't to watch him die, it was for, other issues.
Veronica: Your father doesn't sell Fords.
Dean: That's right, Toyotas. How did you know?
Veronica: It's all in the eyes.
Dean: All right, well, I guess I'll have to watch out for you next year.
Veronica: Oh, I won't be attending.
Dean: All right, enough lies.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Dick: Dude! So we hanging this weekend or that chick still have your sack locked up in her Easy-Bake Oven?
Logan: Actually, I am now a free man.
Dick: The way we should be, man.
Logan: "We"? What happened to Madison?
Dick: [scoffs] Bailed. According to her friend, she met someone more mature.
Logan: Where, Legoland?
Dick: Pfft. Whatever, man. Maturity is like one of the two most overrated things on the planet.
Logan: The other being?
Dick: Chicks.
Logan: Oh, so this worked out great for you.
Dick: Dude, why do you think I'm in such a great mood? Screw it. This weekend, you and me are partying like Ozzy.
Logan: Actually, I am now a free man.
Dick: The way we should be, man.
Logan: "We"? What happened to Madison?
Dick: [scoffs] Bailed. According to her friend, she met someone more mature.
Logan: Where, Legoland?
Dick: Pfft. Whatever, man. Maturity is like one of the two most overrated things on the planet.
Logan: The other being?
Dick: Chicks.
Logan: Oh, so this worked out great for you.
Dick: Dude, why do you think I'm in such a great mood? Screw it. This weekend, you and me are partying like Ozzy.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Dean: I saw you talking to that guy. What'd you talk about?
Veronica: Jane Austen. But he dissed Pride and Prejudice, so I had to throw a beer on him.
Veronica: Jane Austen. But he dissed Pride and Prejudice, so I had to throw a beer on him.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Cliff: I want to emphasize this should not be construed as coercion. We're just showing you a picture. [shows Lamb a photo of him and Madison]
Keith: That's Madison Sinclair, who I believe takes World History with my daughter.
Lamb: [looks around, lowers his voice] So, what? This is blackmail? She's 18. That's legal.
Keith: Sounds like a swell campaign slogan for the next election. [shows him a "campaign flyer": 18 - It's Legal! Re-Elect Don Lamb]
Keith: That's Madison Sinclair, who I believe takes World History with my daughter.
Lamb: [looks around, lowers his voice] So, what? This is blackmail? She's 18. That's legal.
Keith: Sounds like a swell campaign slogan for the next election. [shows him a "campaign flyer": 18 - It's Legal! Re-Elect Don Lamb]
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Wallace: That's Veronica Mars - making friends and influencing people wherever she goes. See, if you come here next year, you've already got enemies. Just feel right at home.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Keith: You´re back early.
Veronica: Yeah, I ditched the goodbye hugging, can you believe it?
Keith: You? Miss Hug. So you must be tired. Why don´t you lie in your...[interrupted by knocking]
Prostitute: Is Keith here?
Veronica: Dad... your hooker's here.
Keith: Escort, honey... So why don´t you go to your room and do your... blog or whatever you kids do.
Veronica: Yeah, I ditched the goodbye hugging, can you believe it?
Keith: You? Miss Hug. So you must be tired. Why don´t you lie in your...[interrupted by knocking]
Prostitute: Is Keith here?
Veronica: Dad... your hooker's here.
Keith: Escort, honey... So why don´t you go to your room and do your... blog or whatever you kids do.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: "Freedom. That's what it's all about, but talking about it and being it - that's two different things."
Logan: Whew. You came up all deliberate-like. I figured you wanted to be first in line to ask me to the Sadie Hawkins dance, not recite my prize-winning essay.
Veronica: Neither, actually. I'm quoting Easy Rider, which you may remember making me watch last summer?
Logan: That's funny, that sounds a lot like my essay.
Logan: Whew. You came up all deliberate-like. I figured you wanted to be first in line to ask me to the Sadie Hawkins dance, not recite my prize-winning essay.
Veronica: Neither, actually. I'm quoting Easy Rider, which you may remember making me watch last summer?
Logan: That's funny, that sounds a lot like my essay.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Weevil: I need your help.
Veronica: Ah, if I had fifty bucks every time someone said that.
Weevil: Look, I know it's a drag being you, and...
Veronica: No, seriously. I'm gonna need fifty bucks if you expect me to keep listening.
Weevil: Well, I'm banking on curiosity getting the better of you..
[Veronica hesitates a long time, then stamps her foot.]
Veronica: Alright tell me! Damn my curiosity!
Veronica: Ah, if I had fifty bucks every time someone said that.
Weevil: Look, I know it's a drag being you, and...
Veronica: No, seriously. I'm gonna need fifty bucks if you expect me to keep listening.
Weevil: Well, I'm banking on curiosity getting the better of you..
[Veronica hesitates a long time, then stamps her foot.]
Veronica: Alright tell me! Damn my curiosity!
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: So this is staking out, huh? It looks sexier in the movies.
Veronica: Did you hear anything from Hannah?
Logan: Does deafening silence count?
Veronica: You know, I'm not sure, but I think when they start shipping your girlfriends off, you are officially a bad boy. [they high-five each other]
Logan: Her dad and your dad should get together and go bowling.
Veronica: Did you hear anything from Hannah?
Logan: Does deafening silence count?
Veronica: You know, I'm not sure, but I think when they start shipping your girlfriends off, you are officially a bad boy. [they high-five each other]
Logan: Her dad and your dad should get together and go bowling.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Mac: This serves as a preemptive apology for the conversation that's about to take place. Okay, and... Beaver and I occasionally, you know, make out.
Veronica: I made out once, back in the day. I think he had me pinned up against a woolly mammoth.
Mac: So, not that I'm an expert in this stuff, but four months, typical high school boy - there should be some... under-the-bra action, no?
Veronica: Let me consult my 'Idiot's Guide to Wanton Behavior': basically, you're asking me because I'm the sluttiest person you know?
Mac: Um, "slutty" is your word choice. Mine was "worldly."
Veronica: So four months and nada?
Mac: Hand holding, kissing.
Veronica: Tongue?
Mac: Some tongue.
Veronica: Ass grabbing?
Mac: Helped me brush the dog hair off my pants once.
Veronica: I made out once, back in the day. I think he had me pinned up against a woolly mammoth.
Mac: So, not that I'm an expert in this stuff, but four months, typical high school boy - there should be some... under-the-bra action, no?
Veronica: Let me consult my 'Idiot's Guide to Wanton Behavior': basically, you're asking me because I'm the sluttiest person you know?
Mac: Um, "slutty" is your word choice. Mine was "worldly."
Veronica: So four months and nada?
Mac: Hand holding, kissing.
Veronica: Tongue?
Mac: Some tongue.
Veronica: Ass grabbing?
Mac: Helped me brush the dog hair off my pants once.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Lamb: Still picking winners, huh, Veronica?
Veronica: I told you, when I start picking losers, it's all you.
Veronica: I told you, when I start picking losers, it's all you.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Weevil: You know, an 09er could come in here with tea leaves and a Ouija board and they'd send out a SWAT team. It's time for plan B.
Veronica: Not just yet, Dirty Harry.
Weevil: In case you haven't noticed, I ain't no mick cop.
Veronica: Uh, okay. Dirty Sanchez?
Veronica: Not just yet, Dirty Harry.
Weevil: In case you haven't noticed, I ain't no mick cop.
Veronica: Uh, okay. Dirty Sanchez?
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Keith: Did you watch House of Wax again? You know that Hilton girl gives you nightmares.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
[Veronica walks up behind Logan and knees him in the back of his leg.]
Veronica: Yep, I have no idea what compelled me to do that.
Logan: Is it because you're five?
Veronica: I'm a little punchy. I haven't been sleeping.
Logan: Thoughts of me? Hey, I get it. Sometimes I'm up all night, just thinkin' about myself.
Veronica: Yep, I have no idea what compelled me to do that.
Logan: Is it because you're five?
Veronica: I'm a little punchy. I haven't been sleeping.
Logan: Thoughts of me? Hey, I get it. Sometimes I'm up all night, just thinkin' about myself.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: Remind me: why did we break up?
Logan: Well, you thought the other guy had greener grass. Or was it something about me being too much man? No, wait. It was you - you were too much man.
Logan: Well, you thought the other guy had greener grass. Or was it something about me being too much man? No, wait. It was you - you were too much man.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: Mr. Wu must really like his egg-drop soup.
Dick: Uh, does this assignment come with [Chinese accent] pot stickah?
Mr. Wu: Students! This experiment is a major test grade. For some of you, [looking at Dick] it means passing this class or not.
Dick: [to Logan] Dude, is Mr. Wu hitting on me?
Mr. Wu: Okay, people, that does it. I'm assigning your partners alphabetically. Dick, I think it's a bad idea for you and Mr. Echolls to be working together.
Dick: So bad, it's good?
Mr. Wu: No.
Dick: [to Logan] God, I don't know how I'm gonna quit you. Shh! It's not me, it's Wu.
Dick: Uh, does this assignment come with [Chinese accent] pot stickah?
Mr. Wu: Students! This experiment is a major test grade. For some of you, [looking at Dick] it means passing this class or not.
Dick: [to Logan] Dude, is Mr. Wu hitting on me?
Mr. Wu: Okay, people, that does it. I'm assigning your partners alphabetically. Dick, I think it's a bad idea for you and Mr. Echolls to be working together.
Dick: So bad, it's good?
Mr. Wu: No.
Dick: [to Logan] God, I don't know how I'm gonna quit you. Shh! It's not me, it's Wu.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Keith: My coat?
Clemmons: Right. It's in the closet.
Keith: [opens the door and sees Veronica hiding inside] Yup. That's mine, all right.
Clemmons: Right. It's in the closet.
Keith: [opens the door and sees Veronica hiding inside] Yup. That's mine, all right.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: Peter was gearing up for what he called the "outing of all outings." I was wondering if he was pulling his favorite teacher out of the closet.
Mr. Wu: [sighs] Veronica, I think when you get out in the world a little more, you'll discover that not all well-dressed, articulate, detail-oriented men are gay. Many of them are just... Asian.
Mr. Wu: [sighs] Veronica, I think when you get out in the world a little more, you'll discover that not all well-dressed, articulate, detail-oriented men are gay. Many of them are just... Asian.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: Mac Attack, what's the haps?
Mac: I got mugged. By my own principal. They took my cell-phone interceptor and apparently plan on keeping it until the end of the year. What happened to "end of the day"? Why wasn't that working?
Veronica: Everyone still kept bringing in their cell-phone interceptors?
Mac: Is there any chance you can get it back for me? I borrowed it from a buddy at Radio Shack because, apparently, I've become a psycho ex-girlfriend and I wanted to listen to Beaver's cell phone calls. [Veronica is silent] You're judging me.
Veronica: Nope. I'm judging myself. Why don't I have a cell phone interceptor?
Mac: Please, respect the business model, Veronica. I do the gadgets. You do the actual espionage.
Mac: I got mugged. By my own principal. They took my cell-phone interceptor and apparently plan on keeping it until the end of the year. What happened to "end of the day"? Why wasn't that working?
Veronica: Everyone still kept bringing in their cell-phone interceptors?
Mac: Is there any chance you can get it back for me? I borrowed it from a buddy at Radio Shack because, apparently, I've become a psycho ex-girlfriend and I wanted to listen to Beaver's cell phone calls. [Veronica is silent] You're judging me.
Veronica: Nope. I'm judging myself. Why don't I have a cell phone interceptor?
Mac: Please, respect the business model, Veronica. I do the gadgets. You do the actual espionage.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
[Veronica knocks three times, each punctuated by a brief silence.]
Butters: That was your secret knock?
Veronica: The genius is its simplicity.
Butters: We have exactly eleven minutes before my dad gets back. The box is under there.
Mac: Wow, Butters, this is - this is way cool of you.
Butters: Just so you know, I'm an excellent dancer, so, don't worry about that.
Mac: [confused] Oh... okay. I'll try not to...
Butters: Well, I don't have to dance, though. I enjoy it, but I also enjoy a good conversation.
Veronica: Look! Fake vomit - courtesy of locker 213. And whoever is in locker 792 is sans one "Smell it, Bitch" T-shirt.
Butters: So, Mac, what color dress are you wearing?
Mac: I'm actually wearing pants.
Butters: [laughs] I just don't want the corsage to be, like, blue, and your dress is red and you think I'm an idiot.
Mac: Veronica?
Butters: That was your secret knock?
Veronica: The genius is its simplicity.
Butters: We have exactly eleven minutes before my dad gets back. The box is under there.
Mac: Wow, Butters, this is - this is way cool of you.
Butters: Just so you know, I'm an excellent dancer, so, don't worry about that.
Mac: [confused] Oh... okay. I'll try not to...
Butters: Well, I don't have to dance, though. I enjoy it, but I also enjoy a good conversation.
Veronica: Look! Fake vomit - courtesy of locker 213. And whoever is in locker 792 is sans one "Smell it, Bitch" T-shirt.
Butters: So, Mac, what color dress are you wearing?
Mac: I'm actually wearing pants.
Butters: [laughs] I just don't want the corsage to be, like, blue, and your dress is red and you think I'm an idiot.
Mac: Veronica?
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: [holds up a book with a tag attached that reads '#333'] Do you mind if I give this Anarchist Cookbook back to Weevil?
Butters: You know his locker number?
Veronica: Who else would brag about meeting Satan halfway?
Butters: You know his locker number?
Veronica: Who else would brag about meeting Satan halfway?
TV Show: Veronica Mars