Veronica Mars Quotes
[Deputy Sachs checks Sheriff Lamb, who lies bleeding from a beating by a fugitive.]
Sheriff Lamb: I... smell... bread.
Sheriff Lamb: I... smell... bread.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
[Veronica catches Tim breaking into Mars Investigations.]
Veronica: What the hell are you doing?
Tim: I...uh...I'm...
Veronica: Formulating a lie, realizing it's futile, begrudgingly telling the truth?
Tim: I'm trying to help Landry, okay? He gave your father the bug that someone planted in his phone. I'm hoping it will lead to Mindy.
Veronica: How is it going to lead to Mindy?
Tim: I don't know. Serial numbers?
Veronica: They don't have serial numbers.
Tim: Well, I didn't know. There's got to be a way. How would you do it?
Veronica: [annoyed] Hmmm...well, first, I'd break into someone's office, act really weasly, and then ask their advice.
Veronica: What the hell are you doing?
Tim: I...uh...I'm...
Veronica: Formulating a lie, realizing it's futile, begrudgingly telling the truth?
Tim: I'm trying to help Landry, okay? He gave your father the bug that someone planted in his phone. I'm hoping it will lead to Mindy.
Veronica: How is it going to lead to Mindy?
Tim: I don't know. Serial numbers?
Veronica: They don't have serial numbers.
Tim: Well, I didn't know. There's got to be a way. How would you do it?
Veronica: [annoyed] Hmmm...well, first, I'd break into someone's office, act really weasly, and then ask their advice.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
[In the cafeteria, Veronica looks bemused as Wallace reports on Logan and Parker's lunchtimetête-à-tête.]
Wallace: What?
Veronica: I'm just trying to figure out which Gilmore girl you are.
Wallace: What?
Veronica: I'm just trying to figure out which Gilmore girl you are.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: If you're wondering where I am, I'm hanging out outside a convenience store, eating corn nuts and watching strippers.
Keith: Are you doing drugs?
Veronica: No.
Keith: Good.
Keith: Are you doing drugs?
Veronica: No.
Keith: Good.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
[Veronica finds Tim checking a computer with gloved hands.]
Veronica: Nice gloves. You heading to the parlor to strangle Colonel Mustard after this?
Tim: : We're breaking and entering. I can't leave prints.
Veronica: Use your sleeve! It's less creepy.
Veronica: Nice gloves. You heading to the parlor to strangle Colonel Mustard after this?
Tim: : We're breaking and entering. I can't leave prints.
Veronica: Use your sleeve! It's less creepy.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: Mars!
Veronica: We're on a last name basis now? We've skipped right over androgynous nicknames.
Logan: I tried calling you "Chuckles", but it didn't stick.
Veronica: We're on a last name basis now? We've skipped right over androgynous nicknames.
Logan: I tried calling you "Chuckles", but it didn't stick.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: Man, you get everyone to confess.
Keith: I think it's the uniform. Do you have anything to confess?
Veronica: Yes. You embarrass me.
Keith: I think it's the uniform. Do you have anything to confess?
Veronica: Yes. You embarrass me.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: 8 a.m. - shouldn’t you be in a wet suit somewhere?
Logan: Early Poli. Sci.
Veronica: And you’re actually going?
Logan: Yeah, I even bought this amazing pen that accents text in neon colors.
Veronica: Ah, a highlighter.
Logan: Lots of advancements since the last time I buckled down.
Logan: What about you?
Veronica: "Violence in early adolescence."
Logan: Need me to autograph your textbook?
Veronica: Thanks, but...
Logan: Early Poli. Sci.
Veronica: And you’re actually going?
Logan: Yeah, I even bought this amazing pen that accents text in neon colors.
Veronica: Ah, a highlighter.
Logan: Lots of advancements since the last time I buckled down.
Logan: What about you?
Veronica: "Violence in early adolescence."
Logan: Need me to autograph your textbook?
Veronica: Thanks, but...
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: Hey, by the way, I am throwing I birthday party for Parker this weekend. I’ve been studying up too. I watched My Super Sweet Sixteen. That reminds me, do you know where I can get about a dozen eunuchs?
Veronica: Not offhand, but I could make some calls.
Veronica: Not offhand, but I could make some calls.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Keith: Hello, Stosh. What do you say we head out, have a few beers?
Piz: That's one of those trick questions, isn't it?
Keith: I got some new IDs for you. Wallace. [hands Wallace and Piz their new IDs]
Piz: This picture is Jon Bon Jovi.
Keith: Yes. It is.
Wallace: Biggie Smalls? We don't really all look alike, Mr. Mars.
Keith: I know that, Wallace. Now, let's go out and get our drink on.
Piz: That's one of those trick questions, isn't it?
Keith: I got some new IDs for you. Wallace. [hands Wallace and Piz their new IDs]
Piz: This picture is Jon Bon Jovi.
Keith: Yes. It is.
Wallace: Biggie Smalls? We don't really all look alike, Mr. Mars.
Keith: I know that, Wallace. Now, let's go out and get our drink on.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
[Max and Mac are laughing and hitting it off]
Max: Okay, seriously, did my friends hire you?
Max: Okay, seriously, did my friends hire you?
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: So...Piz didn't say anything about the whole party...thing?
Wallace: Like how you two made out in the hall and then you took off? Why? Is he calling you all the time?
Veronica: He called once. The day after. But...how would you interpret his mood?
Wallace: You want me to have this talk? Am I a twelve year old girl?
Veronica: No...but you're drinking Fresca and watching Joan Crawford movies.
Wallace: Like how you two made out in the hall and then you took off? Why? Is he calling you all the time?
Veronica: He called once. The day after. But...how would you interpret his mood?
Wallace: You want me to have this talk? Am I a twelve year old girl?
Veronica: No...but you're drinking Fresca and watching Joan Crawford movies.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Mac: Is the eggplant good?
Spaghetti Server: It's okay.
Mac: How about that stuff?
Spaghetti Server: It's good.
Mac: It's probably horrible for you, right? I'll stay with the eggplant. No, wait - what do you think? [pause] I need to see a psychiatrist.
Veronica: I was thinking more an English professor. What we're dealing with her is an absurd level of symbolism. [to server] Two lasagnas.
Spaghetti Server: Okay.
Mac: Symbolism?
Veronica: I mean, the Bronson Parmigiana is good for me, but, ooh! The Maxuccine looks awfully tempting.
Mac: It's not my fault Max won't stop calling. Like you should talk.
Veronica: Me? I'm not ordering good boy while wishing I ordered bad boy.
Mac: No, you gave up bad boy, but keep asking for samples of good boy.
Veronica: No, I - wait, what?
Mac: Okay, if Logan is the fettucine... [cellphone rings]
Veronica: It's the eggplant.
Spaghetti Server: It's okay.
Mac: How about that stuff?
Spaghetti Server: It's good.
Mac: It's probably horrible for you, right? I'll stay with the eggplant. No, wait - what do you think? [pause] I need to see a psychiatrist.
Veronica: I was thinking more an English professor. What we're dealing with her is an absurd level of symbolism. [to server] Two lasagnas.
Spaghetti Server: Okay.
Mac: Symbolism?
Veronica: I mean, the Bronson Parmigiana is good for me, but, ooh! The Maxuccine looks awfully tempting.
Mac: It's not my fault Max won't stop calling. Like you should talk.
Veronica: Me? I'm not ordering good boy while wishing I ordered bad boy.
Mac: No, you gave up bad boy, but keep asking for samples of good boy.
Veronica: No, I - wait, what?
Mac: Okay, if Logan is the fettucine... [cellphone rings]
Veronica: It's the eggplant.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Desmond Fellows: [to Veronica] Anyone ever tell you, you look like a feisty young Barbara Eden?
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Mac: And his role in this enterprise?
Dick: Consultant. I'm an ass expert.
Logan: Yes, except for the expert part.
Dick: I'm an ass? Who would you ask for advice about lions, a lion or a gerbil? Gerbil, you say? No, you would ask a lion, because by virtue of being a lion, a lion is an expert on lions. So... Okay. I don't see how you hope to launch a website about hot asses without me, but fine. It's Friday night. If I walk long enough in a straight line, I'll hit a party.
Dick: Consultant. I'm an ass expert.
Logan: Yes, except for the expert part.
Dick: I'm an ass? Who would you ask for advice about lions, a lion or a gerbil? Gerbil, you say? No, you would ask a lion, because by virtue of being a lion, a lion is an expert on lions. So... Okay. I don't see how you hope to launch a website about hot asses without me, but fine. It's Friday night. If I walk long enough in a straight line, I'll hit a party.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Wallace: So, are you surviving?
Veronica: Surviving what?
Wallace: Helping Piz. You know, his puppy dog eyes on you all the time.
Veronica: It's weird. Like you said, normal Piz. Like nothing ever happened.
Wallace: [amused] Which bothers you, because making out with you is supposed to be some life-changing experience.
Veronica: I don't know. I just... Why are we talking about this?
Wallace: I thought you liked these kind of conversations.
Veronica: No.
Wallace: I was hoping we could follow it up with a cuteness countdown of the Baldwin brothers.
Veronica: I hope we're still friends after I Taser you.
Veronica: Surviving what?
Wallace: Helping Piz. You know, his puppy dog eyes on you all the time.
Veronica: It's weird. Like you said, normal Piz. Like nothing ever happened.
Wallace: [amused] Which bothers you, because making out with you is supposed to be some life-changing experience.
Veronica: I don't know. I just... Why are we talking about this?
Wallace: I thought you liked these kind of conversations.
Veronica: No.
Wallace: I was hoping we could follow it up with a cuteness countdown of the Baldwin brothers.
Veronica: I hope we're still friends after I Taser you.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Max: [showing Mac how his term-paper website works.] For the dumb, billable links at the top, disguised as functions.
Mac: So they link without realizing.
Max: And I make a dollar. See, the point of the Internet is to make money off of stupid people.
Logan: I like how you think, Max.
Mac: That sound you hear is my idealism quietly shattering.
Max: That other sound you hear is my cynicism laughing at your idealism shattering.
Mac: Well, it won't be laughing when I crash your greedy little evil website.
Max: I'll be laughing when you try.
Mac: Will you? Maybe I'm in your trusted-host table already.
Logan: Should I get a camera? There's gotta be someone out there that'd pay to see this hot nerd-on-nerd action.
Mac: So they link without realizing.
Max: And I make a dollar. See, the point of the Internet is to make money off of stupid people.
Logan: I like how you think, Max.
Mac: That sound you hear is my idealism quietly shattering.
Max: That other sound you hear is my cynicism laughing at your idealism shattering.
Mac: Well, it won't be laughing when I crash your greedy little evil website.
Max: I'll be laughing when you try.
Mac: Will you? Maybe I'm in your trusted-host table already.
Logan: Should I get a camera? There's gotta be someone out there that'd pay to see this hot nerd-on-nerd action.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: You realize you're the radio-host version of a rock star, right? I don't know what the groupie procedure is for this scenario, but I might have to throw my panties at you.
Piz: Or I could autograph you. I believe we have some Sharpies lying around.
Piz: Or I could autograph you. I believe we have some Sharpies lying around.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Wallace: The world is upside down. Veronica Mars wants to believe in miracles, and I'm the cynical one.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: Tell your roommate I came by hoping to kill time between classes getting to second base with someone, and then left unsatisfied.
Wallace: He's a good guy, Veronica. Try not to rip out his heart.
Wallace: He's a good guy, Veronica. Try not to rip out his heart.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Mac: [sighs] I have to, have to, have to go to my morning classes tomorrow. I'm getting lost in the "sex-nap-eat-repeat" loop. I'm in the porn version of Groundhog Day.
Max: "Poundhog Day"?
Max: "Poundhog Day"?
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: You were just waiting for me to pull out books?
Logan: No, just browsing.
Veronica: Building up on your South American culture? Conversational Portuguese perhaps? If you're going to be that close to Rio...
Logan: How did you know about my trip?
Veronica: Parker mentioned it.
Logan: Did my fanclub meet today? I thought you guys only met on wednesdays?
Logan: No, just browsing.
Veronica: Building up on your South American culture? Conversational Portuguese perhaps? If you're going to be that close to Rio...
Logan: How did you know about my trip?
Veronica: Parker mentioned it.
Logan: Did my fanclub meet today? I thought you guys only met on wednesdays?
TV Show: Veronica Mars
[In an evening walk, Mac confides to Veronica her dismay about her relationship with Max.]
Mac: Love makes me lazy. It's a dangerous drug. Kills more brain cells than crystal meth. How's your cell count these days?
Veronica: Mmmm, I can still do long division, but I can't quite remember all the continents.
Mac: So, Pizneyland is the happiest place on Earth?
Veronica: Happy enough. There's no rollercoaster, but I think I can do without the adrenaline and nausea.
Mac: Love makes me lazy. It's a dangerous drug. Kills more brain cells than crystal meth. How's your cell count these days?
Veronica: Mmmm, I can still do long division, but I can't quite remember all the continents.
Mac: So, Pizneyland is the happiest place on Earth?
Veronica: Happy enough. There's no rollercoaster, but I think I can do without the adrenaline and nausea.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Kizza: I'm looking for detective Mars.
Veronica: I'm detective Mars.
Kizza: But you're just a girl. You're a teenager.
Veronica: A girl, a teenager, and a private detective - I'm a triple threat. Barely fits on my business card.
Veronica: I'm detective Mars.
Kizza: But you're just a girl. You're a teenager.
Veronica: A girl, a teenager, and a private detective - I'm a triple threat. Barely fits on my business card.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: I just hope Piz isn't planning on moping his way through the remainder of freshman year. It's not like I'm taking an internship at a Mister Softee in Wachoota. It's the FBI. The F. B. I.
Mac: At the very least, Piz should think it's hot.
Veronica: Actually, he does think it's pretty hot. He'd just think it was hotter if I were doing it in Neptune.
Mac: He wants to date you and be near you? Greedy little bugger.
Veronica: And if he didn't care, I'd probably be complaining about that...to my girlfriend...while waiting to pay for frozen yogurt. I'm a girl!
Mac: At the very least, Piz should think it's hot.
Veronica: Actually, he does think it's pretty hot. He'd just think it was hotter if I were doing it in Neptune.
Mac: He wants to date you and be near you? Greedy little bugger.
Veronica: And if he didn't care, I'd probably be complaining about that...to my girlfriend...while waiting to pay for frozen yogurt. I'm a girl!
TV Show: Veronica Mars
[A girl is being arrested a few feet in front of Veronica and Mac in line for lunch.]
Veronica: She has the right to remained famished.
Veronica: She has the right to remained famished.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: What?
Mac: Miss Mars uses Venus razor.
Veronica: Because if she doesn't, her legs look like Pluto's.
Mac: And she's down-to-earth to boot.
Veronica: I think I read in Teen People that a clean leg shave will make that special boy sit up and take notice.
Mac: I read in FHM that boys like bare breasts.
Veronica: Interesting. I did not know that. Bare breasts, you say? Hm.
Mac: Miss Mars uses Venus razor.
Veronica: Because if she doesn't, her legs look like Pluto's.
Mac: And she's down-to-earth to boot.
Veronica: I think I read in Teen People that a clean leg shave will make that special boy sit up and take notice.
Mac: I read in FHM that boys like bare breasts.
Veronica: Interesting. I did not know that. Bare breasts, you say? Hm.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Mac: Hey, did anyone else hear there's gonna be a Matchbox 20 reunion show?
Piz: So? Rob Thomas is a whore.
Mac: Yeah.
Piz: So? Rob Thomas is a whore.
Mac: Yeah.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Piz: So, what's the protocol for a plane christening? I mean, does someone get to, like, smash the, uh, Sea Monkey with a miniature bottle of champagne?
Wallace: The protocol? Pray to whatever god you believe in she flies. Otherwise, my ass is grass.
Veronica: Orville Wright's exact words, if I recall.
Piz: I'm so nervous. This is totally knotting up my inner nerd.
Mac: Wait, you have an inner one?
Wallace: The protocol? Pray to whatever god you believe in she flies. Otherwise, my ass is grass.
Veronica: Orville Wright's exact words, if I recall.
Piz: I'm so nervous. This is totally knotting up my inner nerd.
Mac: Wait, you have an inner one?
TV Show: Veronica Mars