Veronica Mars Quotes
Veronica: It sounds like you don't need a photographer from the "Neptune Navigator" who knows how to shoot your good side.
Keith: I got nothing but good sides, baby.
Keith: I got nothing but good sides, baby.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: It's weird that you live here. I don't want you going all 'Howard Hughes-y' on me.
Duncan: I am not a shut-in. These nails? Neatly trimmed. Though, now that you mention it, I have started bottling my own urine.
Veronica: Ew.
Duncan: I am not a shut-in. These nails? Neatly trimmed. Though, now that you mention it, I have started bottling my own urine.
Veronica: Ew.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: [to Duncan] You're here for your looks. Why don't you leave the heavy thinking to me, sugarpants? Now go make yourself pretty.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: [answers phone] Chesty LaRue. Hey, Duncan. I'm fine. I'm slathering up my boobs as we speak.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Dick: Dude. My stepmom?
Logan: I am a total piece of crap.
Dick: Better you than the cable guy, I guess. And I'd be lying to say if I've never perved on your mom while she was prancin' around the pool in that hardly there bikini of hers.
Logan: Great. So...no hard feelings?
Dick: No, she gave me a few.
Logan: I am a total piece of crap.
Dick: Better you than the cable guy, I guess. And I'd be lying to say if I've never perved on your mom while she was prancin' around the pool in that hardly there bikini of hers.
Logan: Great. So...no hard feelings?
Dick: No, she gave me a few.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Sacks: Sheriff would like to have a word with you.
Logan: And I'd like to be the cream filling of an Olsen twins sandwich, but...
Sacks: Will you come with me, please?
Logan: If I'm under arrest, then do me the courtesy of making it all official like. [Sacks cuffs Logan.] Now that's more like it.
Sacks: You're under arrest for the murder of Felix Toombs.
Logan: Ooh, I am having the weirdest déjà vu.
Logan: And I'd like to be the cream filling of an Olsen twins sandwich, but...
Sacks: Will you come with me, please?
Logan: If I'm under arrest, then do me the courtesy of making it all official like. [Sacks cuffs Logan.] Now that's more like it.
Sacks: You're under arrest for the murder of Felix Toombs.
Logan: Ooh, I am having the weirdest déjà vu.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
[Logan is picked out of a police lineup.]
Officer: Number four, step forward.
Logan: Oh wow, I'm stunned. You like me! You really like me! Well first, I'd just like to say the other, uh, nominees are all such wonderfully gifted criminals. And I wanna thank my agent and my publicist for always shooting me from the left side.
Officer: Number four, step forward.
Logan: Oh wow, I'm stunned. You like me! You really like me! Well first, I'd just like to say the other, uh, nominees are all such wonderfully gifted criminals. And I wanna thank my agent and my publicist for always shooting me from the left side.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: So, my tax dollars at work. Where were you? Getting thirds at the Crazy Girls lunch buffet?
Cliff: Actually, they discontinued the buffet. Some health code thing. Okay, my name is Cliff, I'll be your 'if-you-cannot-afford-an-attorney' attorney. So. What are you trying to prove?
Logan: Um...my innocence?
Cliff: No. I mean with this 'poor little rich boy' stunt. Having me represent you doesn't make you look innocent. It makes you look like an arrogant jackass. If the witness' story holds, you are going to trial.
Logan: Hmm. The guy's lying.
Cliff: June 27th: you gave testimony saying that you couldn't remember a thing. Now, he comes forward saying he saw you, bloody knife in hand, ranting like a maniac over a dead body.
Logan: And what exactly did I say, huh?
Cliff: "The [expletive] [racial expletive] had it [maternal expletive] coming."
Cliff: Actually, they discontinued the buffet. Some health code thing. Okay, my name is Cliff, I'll be your 'if-you-cannot-afford-an-attorney' attorney. So. What are you trying to prove?
Logan: Um...my innocence?
Cliff: No. I mean with this 'poor little rich boy' stunt. Having me represent you doesn't make you look innocent. It makes you look like an arrogant jackass. If the witness' story holds, you are going to trial.
Logan: Hmm. The guy's lying.
Cliff: June 27th: you gave testimony saying that you couldn't remember a thing. Now, he comes forward saying he saw you, bloody knife in hand, ranting like a maniac over a dead body.
Logan: And what exactly did I say, huh?
Cliff: "The [expletive] [racial expletive] had it [maternal expletive] coming."
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: [explaining the benefits of an ankle monitor] ...And the other sweet thing is that I'm in constant video contact with Martha Stewart, right?
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: [reciting The Big Lebowski] I'm not Mr. Lebowski, you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the dude...so that's what you call me...either that or uh dudeness, duder, El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
Duncan: Veronica, you need to stop being The Dude.
Veronica: Stoner Bowler doesn't do it for you?
Duncan: A little. Only because I like the way your lips pout when you do guy voice.
Veronica: These lips? I've had them for years, I can't do a thing with them.
Duncan: Veronica, you need to stop being The Dude.
Veronica: Stoner Bowler doesn't do it for you?
Duncan: A little. Only because I like the way your lips pout when you do guy voice.
Veronica: These lips? I've had them for years, I can't do a thing with them.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: Seriously, though. I was reading 'The Third Wheel: A Beginner's Guide,' and we should come up with, like, some kind of codeword for when you guys are feeling frisky and don't want to be disturbed.
Veronica: Like "scram"?
Logan: I was thinking..."awkward." But scram is good. Or "amscray." [Opens the door to see Kendall] You're not my grilled cheese.
Kendall: No. [Notices Veronica and Duncan sitting on the couch] iPod girl. With the waxy-eared boyfriend. Small world.
Veronica: Like this big. [gestures with her thumb and finger]
Logan: My codeword will be..."endurance."
[Later]
Duncan: [kisses Veronica's neck] Weren't we doing something?
Veronica: We were making out on the couch and then that happened. [points to the room Logan and Kendall just entered]
Veronica: Like "scram"?
Logan: I was thinking..."awkward." But scram is good. Or "amscray." [Opens the door to see Kendall] You're not my grilled cheese.
Kendall: No. [Notices Veronica and Duncan sitting on the couch] iPod girl. With the waxy-eared boyfriend. Small world.
Veronica: Like this big. [gestures with her thumb and finger]
Logan: My codeword will be..."endurance."
[Later]
Duncan: [kisses Veronica's neck] Weren't we doing something?
Veronica: We were making out on the couch and then that happened. [points to the room Logan and Kendall just entered]
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Keith: Look who got an invite to the Sheriff Department's Fundraiser/Bachelor Auction.
Veronica: Please say "Veronica Mars."
Keith: Sorry, sweetheart. You can't buy love. Bored wives of the wealthy, however, can. I'm wondering if they'll sell Sheriff Lamb by the pound.
Veronica: Please say "Veronica Mars."
Keith: Sorry, sweetheart. You can't buy love. Bored wives of the wealthy, however, can. I'm wondering if they'll sell Sheriff Lamb by the pound.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Mrs. Hauser: All right, people, pair up. You each have a piece of paper with an STD on it. You have to inform your partner that you have said STD.
Veronica: All right, Gia, we can be partners, but no glove, no love.
Dick: Yeah, let's get the dried-up divorcée to teach us about sex.
Gia: I heard her husband left her for a man.
Dick: And now we get bitchy and bitter for a year.
Gia: Mrs. Hauser, mine's wrong. Isn't this a flower?
Mrs. Hauser: No, Gia. Chlamydia is not a flower.
Gia: Well, we have it on, like, a trellis at our beach house.
Veronica: Your trellis is a whore.
Veronica: All right, Gia, we can be partners, but no glove, no love.
Dick: Yeah, let's get the dried-up divorcée to teach us about sex.
Gia: I heard her husband left her for a man.
Dick: And now we get bitchy and bitter for a year.
Gia: Mrs. Hauser, mine's wrong. Isn't this a flower?
Mrs. Hauser: No, Gia. Chlamydia is not a flower.
Gia: Well, we have it on, like, a trellis at our beach house.
Veronica: Your trellis is a whore.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Madison: Pretty Woman is still my favorite movie. Vivian is, like, my hero.
Veronica: She's a hooker.
Gia: Only because she had to be.
Veronica: She's a hooker.
Veronica: She's a hooker.
Gia: Only because she had to be.
Veronica: She's a hooker.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Keith: When you leave a sleepover early, I'm supposed to put a trench coat over my pajamas and come pick you up.
Veronica: Sorry. I drive now. And I'm not 9.
Keith: You'll always be 9 to me. Going on 30. [notices smell and starts sniffing Veronica's jacket]
Veronica: Whoa, you two need to be alone?
Keith: I know we had the smoking talking somewhere between the birds and the bees and the drinking and driving.
Veronica: Actually I think it was more of a sentence - "don't smoke" - and it was between "The Adventures of Pooh" and "Good Night, Moon."
Keith: [holds out jacket] 'Splain.
Veronica: Sorry. I drive now. And I'm not 9.
Keith: You'll always be 9 to me. Going on 30. [notices smell and starts sniffing Veronica's jacket]
Veronica: Whoa, you two need to be alone?
Keith: I know we had the smoking talking somewhere between the birds and the bees and the drinking and driving.
Veronica: Actually I think it was more of a sentence - "don't smoke" - and it was between "The Adventures of Pooh" and "Good Night, Moon."
Keith: [holds out jacket] 'Splain.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: Didn't your dad say that the cigar store's a front for drug dealers? I mean, that's gotta be something.
Veronica: Or not. Sometimes a cigar store is just a cigar store.
Logan: Well, I'll remember to be quippy when you're looking at 20 to life.
Veronica: Oh, you're being a jackass. It must be an even-numbered day. I do so prefer the odd-numbered days when you're kissing my ass for a favor.
Logan: Well, you find out why this plastic surgeon is trying to get me sent away for killing Felix and I will make sure that all even-numbered days are removed from the calendar.
Veronica: Or not. Sometimes a cigar store is just a cigar store.
Logan: Well, I'll remember to be quippy when you're looking at 20 to life.
Veronica: Oh, you're being a jackass. It must be an even-numbered day. I do so prefer the odd-numbered days when you're kissing my ass for a favor.
Logan: Well, you find out why this plastic surgeon is trying to get me sent away for killing Felix and I will make sure that all even-numbered days are removed from the calendar.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Clemmons: Look, I'm just the vice-principal. Anything I say on the subject has to be cleared by the principal, so -
Veronica: So you're just a powerless factotum and I should talk to Principal Moorehead?
Clemmons: Yes... Exactly.
Veronica: So you're just a powerless factotum and I should talk to Principal Moorehead?
Clemmons: Yes... Exactly.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: What's this four-week gap here?
Mac: Oh, they went on a little sabbatical.
Veronica: Do you know why?
Mac: I suspect to torture me. Then they came back, and Cap'n Krunk wasn't on anymore and it blew, so I stopped listening.
Veronica: The show's still on?
Mac: A bastardized subpar version of the show is still on.
Veronica: Any way to find out where they're broadcasting from?
Mac: Yes. [she doesn't continue and Veronica gives a look] Sorry, I was just seeing how long we could have a conversation with your side only being questions. [Veronica scoffs] We can track the signal.
Veronica: I'd be interested to know if you have the capabilities to track said signal. [both laugh]
Mac: Look, I'm happy to be the "Q" to your Bond, but crime pays. Technologically assisted mystery solving costs. If you wanna play "Find the Crappy Radio Broadcast," Mama's gonna need a few things from Radio Shack.
Mac: Oh, they went on a little sabbatical.
Veronica: Do you know why?
Mac: I suspect to torture me. Then they came back, and Cap'n Krunk wasn't on anymore and it blew, so I stopped listening.
Veronica: The show's still on?
Mac: A bastardized subpar version of the show is still on.
Veronica: Any way to find out where they're broadcasting from?
Mac: Yes. [she doesn't continue and Veronica gives a look] Sorry, I was just seeing how long we could have a conversation with your side only being questions. [Veronica scoffs] We can track the signal.
Veronica: I'd be interested to know if you have the capabilities to track said signal. [both laugh]
Mac: Look, I'm happy to be the "Q" to your Bond, but crime pays. Technologically assisted mystery solving costs. If you wanna play "Find the Crappy Radio Broadcast," Mama's gonna need a few things from Radio Shack.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Marcos: [as "Cap'n Krunk"] The winner of this week's "Cock of the Walk" Countdown -
Butters: [as "Imitation Crab"] Don't leave 'em hangin' Cap'n.
Marcos: It's Logan Echolls.
Butters: That's 40 weeks running.
Marcos: Rosemary's Baby: The Teen Years. If I was his mother, I'd kill myself, too. [splash sound effect]
Butters: Seriously, Cap'n, you name your daughter Roxie, and it's guaranteed at some point she'll be showing her cans for cash.
Marcos: I'm saving up for that very day.
Butters: Or get a varsity jacket and four liters of wine cooler and you can see 'em for free! Yeah, Becker's a date rapist, but in his defense, he's hideous and stupid, so meeting girls is hard.
Butters: [as "Imitation Crab"] Don't leave 'em hangin' Cap'n.
Marcos: It's Logan Echolls.
Butters: That's 40 weeks running.
Marcos: Rosemary's Baby: The Teen Years. If I was his mother, I'd kill myself, too. [splash sound effect]
Butters: Seriously, Cap'n, you name your daughter Roxie, and it's guaranteed at some point she'll be showing her cans for cash.
Marcos: I'm saving up for that very day.
Butters: Or get a varsity jacket and four liters of wine cooler and you can see 'em for free! Yeah, Becker's a date rapist, but in his defense, he's hideous and stupid, so meeting girls is hard.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: Any news on Nip/Schmuck?
Veronica: It's pretty clear, isn't it? Our favorite plastic surgeon, for whatever reason, seems to be owned by the Fighting Fitzpatricks.
Logan: Well, as far as I know, I've done nothing to get their Irish up.
Veronica: And I'm working on the connections, okay?
Logan: If you could exonerate me sometime soon, that'd be great. I really don't want bottom bunk in Fisty McRapesalot's cell.
Veronica: If you want a top, I'm sure it's negotiable.
Logan: Help me, Mars-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope.
Veronica: It's pretty clear, isn't it? Our favorite plastic surgeon, for whatever reason, seems to be owned by the Fighting Fitzpatricks.
Logan: Well, as far as I know, I've done nothing to get their Irish up.
Veronica: And I'm working on the connections, okay?
Logan: If you could exonerate me sometime soon, that'd be great. I really don't want bottom bunk in Fisty McRapesalot's cell.
Veronica: If you want a top, I'm sure it's negotiable.
Logan: Help me, Mars-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Butters: Marcos wasn't gay.
Veronica: You sure about that?
Butters: Positive. He talked about chicks all the time. He wasn't a fairy; he was a Playboy-loving booty hound.
Veronica: Do me a favor: never describe me.
Veronica: You sure about that?
Butters: Positive. He talked about chicks all the time. He wasn't a fairy; he was a Playboy-loving booty hound.
Veronica: Do me a favor: never describe me.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Mrs. Hauser: Since you all had such a raucous good time with venereal diseases, I'm sure you'll be thrilled with phase two of Sex Ed. Ladies and gentlemen... [takes animatronic baby out of box] Welcome to Parenthood.
Veronica: So that's where babies come from.
Veronica: So that's where babies come from.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Dick: I am so good at this game, bro.
Logan: Shooting in a clown's mouth. Your future's bright, Dick.
Logan: Shooting in a clown's mouth. Your future's bright, Dick.
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Mrs. Hauser: In less than three minutes, Veronica Mars has lost all the senior trip money.
Veronica: Is that a record?
Veronica: Is that a record?
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Madison: You want to save yourself some time? Start with her. We all saw her, lurking around.
Jackie: Lurking? Uh, you mean "standing while black"?
Jackie: Lurking? Uh, you mean "standing while black"?
TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: [to Jackie] I'm about to go watch Mrs. Hauser swarm in her own personal hell. If you're not doing anything..?
TV Show: Veronica Mars