We're the Millers Quotes
Rose O'Reilly: You're making $500,000 and giving me only $30,000?
Casey Mathis: $30,000? I'm only getting $1,000!
Kenny Rossmore: You guys are getting paid?
Casey Mathis: $30,000? I'm only getting $1,000!
Kenny Rossmore: You guys are getting paid?
Movie: We're the Millers
Casey Mathis: These assholes are trying to steal my iPhone!
David Clark: Wait, you have an iPhone? Aren't you homeless?
Casey Mathis: So? Fuck you, dude!
David Clark: Wait, you have an iPhone? Aren't you homeless?
Casey Mathis: So? Fuck you, dude!
Movie: We're the Millers
Casey Mathis: [On airplane, sitting next to Kenny. David is trying to appear normal, while introducing his family to the flight attendant]Yeah. I'm going through all those typical teenage girl issues, like finals and college applications and am I gonna get asked to prom? [Smiles]
Casey Mathis: [Conversationally]Plus, I haven't gotten my period in, like, two months, which is really weird, because I've mostly just been doing anal... [Kenny chokes on his water]
Casey Mathis: [Conversationally]Plus, I haven't gotten my period in, like, two months, which is really weird, because I've mostly just been doing anal... [Kenny chokes on his water]
Movie: We're the Millers
Styist: OK, what are we doing today?
David Clark: Yeah. I say, give me somethin' that says, 'I get up every morning at 5: 30 and commute for an hour and a half to some bullshit job where my jag-off boss expects me to kiss his balls all day just so I can afford to keep my ungrateful, screaming kids decked out in Dora the explorer shit and my wife up to her fat ass in self-help videos until the day I get up the courage to put a shotgun in my mouth.'
Middle Aged Man: [Indicating his own haircut]Right here.
David Clark: [Points in the mirror]Yeah. That's it. That's the one.
David Clark: Yeah. I say, give me somethin' that says, 'I get up every morning at 5: 30 and commute for an hour and a half to some bullshit job where my jag-off boss expects me to kiss his balls all day just so I can afford to keep my ungrateful, screaming kids decked out in Dora the explorer shit and my wife up to her fat ass in self-help videos until the day I get up the courage to put a shotgun in my mouth.'
Middle Aged Man: [Indicating his own haircut]Right here.
David Clark: [Points in the mirror]Yeah. That's it. That's the one.
Movie: We're the Millers
Scottie P.: You know what I'm sayin?
David Clark: Well, I'm awake and I speak English, so yeah, I know what you're saying.
David Clark: Well, I'm awake and I speak English, so yeah, I know what you're saying.
Movie: We're the Millers
Kenny Rossmore: Hey, David.
David Clark: Hi, Kenny.
Kenny Rossmore: So, I heard you and Mrs. O'Reilly fighting.
David Clark: It's called flirting, Kenny. You'll learn about it in college. What the hell are you doing up? It's almost two. Where's your mom?
Kenny Rossmore: Uh, she went for a drink with a friend.
David Clark: When?
Kenny Rossmore: Last week.
David Clark: Hi, Kenny.
Kenny Rossmore: So, I heard you and Mrs. O'Reilly fighting.
David Clark: It's called flirting, Kenny. You'll learn about it in college. What the hell are you doing up? It's almost two. Where's your mom?
Kenny Rossmore: Uh, she went for a drink with a friend.
David Clark: When?
Kenny Rossmore: Last week.
Movie: We're the Millers
Rose O'Reilly: You're such a dick. Have fun dying alone, jerk.
David Clark: Yeah, have fun digging out those singles from your crotch!
Rose O'Reilly: My crotch only takes twenties, David.
David Clark: Yeah, have fun digging out those singles from your crotch!
Rose O'Reilly: My crotch only takes twenties, David.
Movie: We're the Millers
Todd - Strip Club Owner: Hey, Rose, I know you're [air-quotes]
Todd - Strip Club Owner: technically on break, but I need a lap dance. Table five. Just don't get too close. The guy has two hook-hands.
Rose O'Reilly: [sighs]How did we let that guy back in here?
Todd - Strip Club Owner: I don't know. He must've picked the locks. [Chuckles]
Todd - Strip Club Owner: technically on break, but I need a lap dance. Table five. Just don't get too close. The guy has two hook-hands.
Rose O'Reilly: [sighs]How did we let that guy back in here?
Todd - Strip Club Owner: I don't know. He must've picked the locks. [Chuckles]
Movie: We're the Millers
Kenny Rossmore: So now you're going to become an even bigger drug dealer?
David Clark: Drug smuggler, Kenny. There's a difference.
David Clark: Drug smuggler, Kenny. There's a difference.
Movie: We're the Millers
David Clark: She's going to be fine. Tattooed kid on a motorcycle. Actually, she might already be pregnant.
Movie: We're the Millers
David Clark: [On the phone]We're at the Corrales Regional Medical Center in the middle of Buttfuck, New Mexico.
Brad Gurdlinger: Why?
David Clark: Why? Why? Because this goddamn Kenny kid got his fucking nuts bit by a giant-ass spider, that's why!
Brad Gurdlinger: That is amazing. Will you let me know if he develops any superpowers?
Brad Gurdlinger: Why?
David Clark: Why? Why? Because this goddamn Kenny kid got his fucking nuts bit by a giant-ass spider, that's why!
Brad Gurdlinger: That is amazing. Will you let me know if he develops any superpowers?
Movie: We're the Millers
Rose O'Reilly: [Scottie P. is trying to make out with Casey, who is resisting]Hey! Get your hands off of her! Come here, Casey. Now, you put your hands on her one more time, I swear I'm gonna rip that fucking tattoo right off of your chest. [mocking]
Rose O'Reilly: You know what I'm sayin'?
Scottie P.: Oh, really, bitch?
Rose O'Reilly: Yeah, bitch.
Kenny Rossmore: You know what? Why don't you leave the girls alone, man.
Scottie P.: What are you gonna do about it, Eyebrows?
Kenny Rossmore: One... two...
Rose O'Reilly: [Punches Scottie P. in the face]
Scottie P.: OW! Broke my nose! You're a aggressive woman! Y'know wha' I'm sayin'? [runs away]
Rose O'Reilly: [to Casey]Are you OK?
Casey Mathis: I'm fine. That was awesome, you just fuckin' decked him!
Rose O'Reilly: Yeah, well, I've dealt with handsy assholes like him at work. Come on, let's just get out of here. Thanks for the backup. Kenny, what were you counting? If you're gonna punch somebody, you punch 'em on one.
Kenny Rossmore: Well, David told me to count... [Casey groans]
Rose O'Reilly: David? David hasn't punched anybody, ever.
Rose O'Reilly: You know what I'm sayin'?
Scottie P.: Oh, really, bitch?
Rose O'Reilly: Yeah, bitch.
Kenny Rossmore: You know what? Why don't you leave the girls alone, man.
Scottie P.: What are you gonna do about it, Eyebrows?
Kenny Rossmore: One... two...
Rose O'Reilly: [Punches Scottie P. in the face]
Scottie P.: OW! Broke my nose! You're a aggressive woman! Y'know wha' I'm sayin'? [runs away]
Rose O'Reilly: [to Casey]Are you OK?
Casey Mathis: I'm fine. That was awesome, you just fuckin' decked him!
Rose O'Reilly: Yeah, well, I've dealt with handsy assholes like him at work. Come on, let's just get out of here. Thanks for the backup. Kenny, what were you counting? If you're gonna punch somebody, you punch 'em on one.
Kenny Rossmore: Well, David told me to count... [Casey groans]
Rose O'Reilly: David? David hasn't punched anybody, ever.
Movie: We're the Millers
Casey Mathis: [Opens fridge, which is completely full of marijuana]Whoa. I think Snoop Dogg would fuck this fridge.
Movie: We're the Millers
Kenny Rossmore: What did she say?
David Clark: What the fuck do you think? She said no.
Kenny Rossmore: Cool. So I guess it's just us, then. A little father and son bonding trip to Mexico.
David Clark: Are you kidding? You and me alone in a van? It'll look like the pervert Olympics.
David Clark: What the fuck do you think? She said no.
Kenny Rossmore: Cool. So I guess it's just us, then. A little father and son bonding trip to Mexico.
David Clark: Are you kidding? You and me alone in a van? It'll look like the pervert Olympics.
Movie: We're the Millers
Rose O'Reilly: Lord, we thank thee for the blessing of this family vacation. May David find his bliss and bring us all back home safely. May Kenny and Casey fortify their sibling bond over the warm glow of our devoted hearts. And may this entire airplane find safe passage and a bountiful life. Even the Jews. Amen.
Movie: We're the Millers
[during an argument in the RV] David Clark: We are NOT the fucking Brady Bunch, all right? I'm Marky Mark and y'all are the *Funky Bunch*!
Movie: We're the Millers
David Clark: I'm here to pickup a smidge of pot.
David Clark: [Talking on the phone]This is not a smidge of pot! You got me moving enough weed to kill Willie-fucking-Nelson, man!
David Clark: [Talking on the phone]This is not a smidge of pot! You got me moving enough weed to kill Willie-fucking-Nelson, man!
Movie: We're the Millers
Melissa Fitzgerald: You're drug dealers?
Kenny Rossmore: No, we're drug smugglers.
Kenny Rossmore: No, we're drug smugglers.
Movie: We're the Millers
David Clark: Oh, my God. You're a dude! Scared the hell out of me! I mean your voice was so much deeper than your bone structure.
Movie: We're the Millers
David Clark: We are all now officially international drug smugglers. Add it to the resume.
Movie: We're the Millers
Rose O'Reilly: You're not a neighbor. You're a drug dealer. Whose apartment smells like cheese and feet.
David Clark: Mm. Yeah, it's a candle I got from Anthropologie. 'Cheesy Feet' is what they call it. It's a best-seller.
David Clark: Mm. Yeah, it's a candle I got from Anthropologie. 'Cheesy Feet' is what they call it. It's a best-seller.
Movie: We're the Millers
David Clark: What the fuck is that?
Brad Gurdlinger: Oh, my orca. Yeah, I bought an orca. I make a lot of money.
David Clark: So you bought a whale?
Brad Gurdlinger: Well, I don't like sports cars.
Brad Gurdlinger: Oh, my orca. Yeah, I bought an orca. I make a lot of money.
David Clark: So you bought a whale?
Brad Gurdlinger: Well, I don't like sports cars.
Movie: We're the Millers
Kenny Rossmore: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Oh fuck a donkey it hurts so much!
David Clark: What hurts, Kenny?
Kenny Rossmore: I'm gonna die! I'm gonna fuckin' die!
David Clark: Kenny, you're not going to die. Tell me what's wrong.
Rose O'Reilly: What's wrong, Kenny?
Kenny Rossmore: Fuckin' spider bit me on my balls, David! On my balls, on my balls, on my fuckin' balls!
David Clark: What hurts, Kenny?
Kenny Rossmore: I'm gonna die! I'm gonna fuckin' die!
David Clark: Kenny, you're not going to die. Tell me what's wrong.
Rose O'Reilly: What's wrong, Kenny?
Kenny Rossmore: Fuckin' spider bit me on my balls, David! On my balls, on my balls, on my fuckin' balls!
Movie: We're the Millers
Brad Gurdlinger: Listen, this is a fucked up situation. But, I might have a win-win situation for both of us.
David Clark: Great.
Brad Gurdlinger: I have a smidge of very choice marijuana down in Mexico, and I need it here by Sunday night, but my regular currier is unavailable on the account of the fact he got gunned down. Anyway, that's where you come in.
David Clark: Great.
Brad Gurdlinger: I have a smidge of very choice marijuana down in Mexico, and I need it here by Sunday night, but my regular currier is unavailable on the account of the fact he got gunned down. Anyway, that's where you come in.
Movie: We're the Millers
David Clark: Who the fuck is Pablo Chacon?
Brad Gurdlinger: I am. Yo soy Pablo Chacon. You don't get a lot of respect from the Mexicans when your name is Brad Gurdlinger, right?
Brad Gurdlinger: I am. Yo soy Pablo Chacon. You don't get a lot of respect from the Mexicans when your name is Brad Gurdlinger, right?
Movie: We're the Millers
Brad Gurdlinger: Go for B-Rad
David Clark: Hey Brad, what the fuck!
Brad Gurdlinger: Uh oh, something wrong?
David Clark: Yeah, something's wrong. Something's very, very wrong. You said a smidge of pot, and this is not a smidge.
Brad Gurdlinger: Smidge and half, no?
David Clark: Look, you got me moving enough weed to kill Willie fucking Nelson, man. Ok, they are used a god damn bucket brigade to put it on the RV as we speak!
Brad Gurdlinger: Wait, you just walked in there, told them you were picking up for Pablo Chacon, and they were like Yeah, no problem?
David Clark: Why do you sound suprized by this?
David Clark: Hey Brad, what the fuck!
Brad Gurdlinger: Uh oh, something wrong?
David Clark: Yeah, something's wrong. Something's very, very wrong. You said a smidge of pot, and this is not a smidge.
Brad Gurdlinger: Smidge and half, no?
David Clark: Look, you got me moving enough weed to kill Willie fucking Nelson, man. Ok, they are used a god damn bucket brigade to put it on the RV as we speak!
Brad Gurdlinger: Wait, you just walked in there, told them you were picking up for Pablo Chacon, and they were like Yeah, no problem?
David Clark: Why do you sound suprized by this?
Movie: We're the Millers
Brad's Receptionist: Can I help you?
David Clark: Hi, you ordered two black guys. David Clark, here to see Mr Gurdlinger.
Brad's Receptionist: I will tell him you're here. Can I get you anything, coffee, tea, Fresca?
David Clark: Hmmmmm, you know what, a Fresca sounds really good.
Brad's Receptionist: You got it.
David Clark: Hi, you ordered two black guys. David Clark, here to see Mr Gurdlinger.
Brad's Receptionist: I will tell him you're here. Can I get you anything, coffee, tea, Fresca?
David Clark: Hmmmmm, you know what, a Fresca sounds really good.
Brad's Receptionist: You got it.
Movie: We're the Millers
Todd - Strip Club Owner: Oh, great, Rose. Glad I caught you. Um, I wanted to go over a couple of minor policy changes that we have here at the club.
Rose O'Reilly: Like what?
Todd - Strip Club Owner: Like, I want you to start having sex with the customers for money.
Rose O'Reilly: What? That's totally illegal, Todd.
Todd - Strip Club Owner: Come on. What are you gonna do? Besides, I gotta stay competitive with those fuckers who just opened up across the street.
Rose O'Reilly: You mean the Apple store?
Todd - Strip Club Owner: Yeah! And they're killing us!
Rose O'Reilly: Oh, God. That's it. I can't do it. I quit.
Kymberly: [Enters]Did you hear the good news? Now we get to fuck the customers for money! [Squeals]
Rose O'Reilly: [Dumbfounded]Wha...
Todd - Strip Club Owner: Boner Garage loves it.
Rose O'Reilly: I'm out of here. I am out of here. I quit.
Rose O'Reilly: Like what?
Todd - Strip Club Owner: Like, I want you to start having sex with the customers for money.
Rose O'Reilly: What? That's totally illegal, Todd.
Todd - Strip Club Owner: Come on. What are you gonna do? Besides, I gotta stay competitive with those fuckers who just opened up across the street.
Rose O'Reilly: You mean the Apple store?
Todd - Strip Club Owner: Yeah! And they're killing us!
Rose O'Reilly: Oh, God. That's it. I can't do it. I quit.
Kymberly: [Enters]Did you hear the good news? Now we get to fuck the customers for money! [Squeals]
Rose O'Reilly: [Dumbfounded]Wha...
Todd - Strip Club Owner: Boner Garage loves it.
Rose O'Reilly: I'm out of here. I am out of here. I quit.
Movie: We're the Millers