Weekend at Bernies Quotes
Gwen Saunders: [whispering] Richard! Richard, there's a man... in his underwear... in your kitchen.
Richard Parker: [whispering] It's ok. He's with me. He's my, um... my butler.
Gwen Saunders: You have a butler?
Richard Parker: Yeah, it's okay, shh... he'll go away.
Jack Parker, Richard's Dad: [walks back from the kitchen, spots Richard and Gwen on the couch] Oh. Oh! I didn't realize you had company. Good evening, young lady.
Richard Parker: That's all right, Monroe. Yes, would you just go lay out my blue pinstripe for the morning?
Jack Parker, Richard's Dad: How about if I lay you out?
Richard Parker: Very well.
Richard Parker: [whispering] It's ok. He's with me. He's my, um... my butler.
Gwen Saunders: You have a butler?
Richard Parker: Yeah, it's okay, shh... he'll go away.
Jack Parker, Richard's Dad: [walks back from the kitchen, spots Richard and Gwen on the couch] Oh. Oh! I didn't realize you had company. Good evening, young lady.
Richard Parker: That's all right, Monroe. Yes, would you just go lay out my blue pinstripe for the morning?
Jack Parker, Richard's Dad: How about if I lay you out?
Richard Parker: Very well.
Movie: Weekend at Bernies
Gwen Saunders: Richard, just tell me what is going on!
Larry Wilson: [comes down the stairs, dragging Bernie's body by the leg] Look honey, Bernie's dead, they guys that killed 'em are now after us, can we hide out at your place or what? [throws down Bernie's leg as he reaches the bottom of the staircase]
Larry Wilson: .
Gwen Saunders: [eyes as big as golf balls]
Larry Wilson: [sees Gwen's horrified expression, holds up Bernie's head] It's just Bernie! [bangs Bernie's head against the stair support railing]
Gwen Saunders: [covers her mouth quietly screaming in a high pitched squeal] Aaaaah! Aaaah!
Richard Parker: Gwen, we didn't do this to him! [Gwen, mouth still covered, begins looking wildly back and forth between Richard and Larry, slowly shaking her head and backing away]
Richard Parker: Look at us! Do we look like the kind of people who could kill someone?
Larry Wilson: [handing Gwen a drink] Come on, honey, sit down, take a load off, have a drink, you'll be fine!
Richard Parker: Let me rephrase that! Do *I* look like the kind of person that could kill someone?
Larry Wilson: [comes down the stairs, dragging Bernie's body by the leg] Look honey, Bernie's dead, they guys that killed 'em are now after us, can we hide out at your place or what? [throws down Bernie's leg as he reaches the bottom of the staircase]
Larry Wilson: .
Gwen Saunders: [eyes as big as golf balls]
Larry Wilson: [sees Gwen's horrified expression, holds up Bernie's head] It's just Bernie! [bangs Bernie's head against the stair support railing]
Gwen Saunders: [covers her mouth quietly screaming in a high pitched squeal] Aaaaah! Aaaah!
Richard Parker: Gwen, we didn't do this to him! [Gwen, mouth still covered, begins looking wildly back and forth between Richard and Larry, slowly shaking her head and backing away]
Richard Parker: Look at us! Do we look like the kind of people who could kill someone?
Larry Wilson: [handing Gwen a drink] Come on, honey, sit down, take a load off, have a drink, you'll be fine!
Richard Parker: Let me rephrase that! Do *I* look like the kind of person that could kill someone?
Movie: Weekend at Bernies
Richard Parker: This is the note. Listen. Richard Parker and I stole this money from the company to pay for my sex-change operation.
Larry Wilson: What?
Richard Parker: That's what it says.
Larry Wilson: Now he tells me he loves someone else. I can't live with that, and niether will he. It's got my name written on it!
Richard Parker: Oh God.
Larry Wilson: Son of a *****. I mean, it's not bad enough that he's trying to kill me. Now he's trying to turn me into a drag queen. Why couldn't he have said you were going to have the operation?
Richard Parker: It doesn't matter, Larry, it doesn't matter.
Larry Wilson: Oh, yes it does matter, Richard, it does matter. I have a reputation to protect here!
Richard Parker: For Christ's sake, Larry! No one is going to have a sex-change operation, huh?
Larry Wilson: Oh yeah. I've gotta call the cops!
Larry Wilson: What?
Richard Parker: That's what it says.
Larry Wilson: Now he tells me he loves someone else. I can't live with that, and niether will he. It's got my name written on it!
Richard Parker: Oh God.
Larry Wilson: Son of a *****. I mean, it's not bad enough that he's trying to kill me. Now he's trying to turn me into a drag queen. Why couldn't he have said you were going to have the operation?
Richard Parker: It doesn't matter, Larry, it doesn't matter.
Larry Wilson: Oh, yes it does matter, Richard, it does matter. I have a reputation to protect here!
Richard Parker: For Christ's sake, Larry! No one is going to have a sex-change operation, huh?
Larry Wilson: Oh yeah. I've gotta call the cops!
Movie: Weekend at Bernies
Richard Parker: [after finding Bernie with a girl on the beach] I see... And where did you and Bernie meet?
Brenda: In the conga-line.
Richard Parker: In the conga-line?
Brenda: He's an excellent dancer.
Brenda: In the conga-line.
Richard Parker: In the conga-line?
Brenda: He's an excellent dancer.
Movie: Weekend at Bernies
[Watching Charles and Henry stealing Bernie]
Richard Parker: What kind of idiots would steal a dead body?
Larry Wilson: We did!
Richard Parker: What kind of idiots would steal a dead body?
Larry Wilson: We did!
Movie: Weekend at Bernies