Whose Line Is It Anyway? Quotes
Colin: Every song a hit and every hit a smack! But you know what? I even have a song on this.
Ryan: You do not!
Colin: But we don't have time to listen to it. What we do have time to listen to is that hit from the swing era, Your Love Has Bankrupted Me!
Ryan: You do not!
Colin: But we don't have time to listen to it. What we do have time to listen to is that hit from the swing era, Your Love Has Bankrupted Me!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: How much would you pay for a 5-CD set like this? Or even a 50-CD set like this?
Colin: Why, I'd pay up to $50,000... but I'm an idiot!
Ryan: And you're from Canada, so with the exchange...
Colin: I'm still an idiot!
Colin: Why, I'd pay up to $50,000... but I'm an idiot!
Ryan: And you're from Canada, so with the exchange...
Colin: I'm still an idiot!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: We put in fifty songs about college in fifty CDs!
Colin: How many CD is that a song?
Ryan: Well that's... [mimes thinking for a minute counting while Colin shook his head]
Colin: It's a good thing you're an actor.
Colin: How many CD is that a song?
Ryan: Well that's... [mimes thinking for a minute counting while Colin shook his head]
Colin: It's a good thing you're an actor.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: Hey Colin!
Colin: Yeah?
Ryan: What comes to mind when I say Ricky Ricardo and great cigars?
Colin: Oh, Tapioca! [audience laughs]
Ryan: [paused for a moment] Really? Why's that?
Colin: Wasn't that his big song? 'TAPIOOOOCA! TAPIOOOOCA!'
Ryan: [starts laughing] No, Colin, I'm talking about Cu-- [starts cracking up] I'm talking about Cuba, Colin-- [cracks up again, after a long pause],
Colin: Cuba! It's a small island.
Ryan: [talks between laughs] It is....[still laughing] Why don't you tell the people about it?
Colin: Yeah?
Ryan: What comes to mind when I say Ricky Ricardo and great cigars?
Colin: Oh, Tapioca! [audience laughs]
Ryan: [paused for a moment] Really? Why's that?
Colin: Wasn't that his big song? 'TAPIOOOOCA! TAPIOOOOCA!'
Ryan: [starts laughing] No, Colin, I'm talking about Cu-- [starts cracking up] I'm talking about Cuba, Colin-- [cracks up again, after a long pause],
Colin: Cuba! It's a small island.
Ryan: [talks between laughs] It is....[still laughing] Why don't you tell the people about it?
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin: You know, let's leave Cuba behind for a second. Let's move on to another island.
Ryan: Alright.
Colin: Where some of my favorite music can be found, Ska!
Ryan: [gasps] Ska! Like a bunch of crows, SKA!!
Colin: Tapioca!!
[later]
Ryan: Hey Colin!
Colin: Yeah?
Ryan: What comes to mind when I say tapioca?
Colin: Oh, the magical land of Cuba!
Ryan: Right you are... that's right the Cubo-The Cuban Missile Crisis, the Bay of Pigs, which, oddly enough, is the same name as a bar that I drank at last night.
Ryan: Alright.
Colin: Where some of my favorite music can be found, Ska!
Ryan: [gasps] Ska! Like a bunch of crows, SKA!!
Colin: Tapioca!!
[later]
Ryan: Hey Colin!
Colin: Yeah?
Ryan: What comes to mind when I say tapioca?
Colin: Oh, the magical land of Cuba!
Ryan: Right you are... that's right the Cubo-The Cuban Missile Crisis, the Bay of Pigs, which, oddly enough, is the same name as a bar that I drank at last night.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: Hi!
Colin: Hi!
Ryan: How are you?
Colin: Fine. We're...
Ryan: We don't know what you're watching, so we're not going to tell you when we're going to return you to it.
Colin: Oh! We would... We're watching animal porn! [cracks up, covering his face]
Ryan: What?
[buzzer sounds]
Colin: "Mary Had a Little Lamb" will be right back in just a second. But ja-
[buzzer sounds again]
Ryan: [cracks up as does the audience]
Colin: I'm sorry, I apologize.
Ryan: [After he finishes laughing, to Drew] Wher-ah-so happy. We're watching animal porn!
Colin: Hi!
Ryan: How are you?
Colin: Fine. We're...
Ryan: We don't know what you're watching, so we're not going to tell you when we're going to return you to it.
Colin: Oh! We would... We're watching animal porn! [cracks up, covering his face]
Ryan: What?
[buzzer sounds]
Colin: "Mary Had a Little Lamb" will be right back in just a second. But ja-
[buzzer sounds again]
Ryan: [cracks up as does the audience]
Colin: I'm sorry, I apologize.
Ryan: [After he finishes laughing, to Drew] Wher-ah-so happy. We're watching animal porn!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: Hey Colin... [groans]
Colin: What's wrong?
Ryan: I've got a bit of a bug. And I'm a little jittery. Ha, Jittery-bug! Jittery, bug! Jitterbug!
Colin: Wow! Nice segue.
Ryan: You know, I wasn't alive when the Jitterbug was popular, but Colin told me about it and it seems like a wonderful musical style to me.
Colin: What's wrong?
Ryan: I've got a bit of a bug. And I'm a little jittery. Ha, Jittery-bug! Jittery, bug! Jitterbug!
Colin: Wow! Nice segue.
Ryan: You know, I wasn't alive when the Jitterbug was popular, but Colin told me about it and it seems like a wonderful musical style to me.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin: I remember once I went to the circus and I saw the strongman bend a car -- Bend a car? Pat Benatar! [Ryan laughing uncontrollably]
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: We laugh so much on our jobs here. That's because we have the best job in the world. Selling you CD's about things you don't care about. For instance, this CD pack is loaded with songs about the motorcycle.
Colin: [poorly imitates a motorcycle] That would be-
Ryan: Apparently, Colin's never ridden one.
Colin: [poorly imitates a motorcycle] That would be-
Ryan: Apparently, Colin's never ridden one.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: Hey Col.
Colin: Yeah, Ry?
Ryan: Here's another riddle for ya.
Colin: Alright.
Ryan: What kind of bird always says the name of our next band?
Colin: Oh. I guess a...tern? An Arctic tern?
Ryan: And what sound does an Arctic tern make?
Colin: (in a parrot-like voice) "BACKSTREET BOYS"?
Ryan: [starts laughing] No! No Colin, that's wrong...
Colin: Yeah, Ry?
Ryan: Here's another riddle for ya.
Colin: Alright.
Ryan: What kind of bird always says the name of our next band?
Colin: Oh. I guess a...tern? An Arctic tern?
Ryan: And what sound does an Arctic tern make?
Colin: (in a parrot-like voice) "BACKSTREET BOYS"?
Ryan: [starts laughing] No! No Colin, that's wrong...
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: Hey Colin, what comes to your mind when I say "ska"?
Colin: Sandpaper!
(Ryan stares at Colin)
Colin: ...Cause that's the sound that you get from scraping wood!
Colin: Sandpaper!
(Ryan stares at Colin)
Colin: ...Cause that's the sound that you get from scraping wood!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: Hey Colin, what do you like on your chips? (hinting music style: salsa)
Colin: why, a little bit of paper.
Colin: why, a little bit of paper.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: (annoyed) say the papers a little bland, what do you put on that?
Colin: A grain of salt!
Ryan: -sa, saltsa! See, salsa! My favorite music style!
Colin: A grain of salt!
Ryan: -sa, saltsa! See, salsa! My favorite music style!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: Hey Colin
Colin: Yeah Ryan?
Ryan: What comes to your mind when I say cowpoke?
(Colin stares at camera looking very disturbed)
Ryan: (giggling) -wait, wait, wait, let me fill in the blank for you, I was thinking of cowboy.
Colin: Oh, me too.
Colin: Yeah Ryan?
Ryan: What comes to your mind when I say cowpoke?
(Colin stares at camera looking very disturbed)
Ryan: (giggling) -wait, wait, wait, let me fill in the blank for you, I was thinking of cowboy.
Colin: Oh, me too.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(songs of the cowboy)
Ryan: Styles come and Styles go, and they are all on this cd set. Including that long forgotten style, Grunge. Remember Grunge?
Colin: (bluntly) yeah.
(beat)
Ryan: …Well it's on this CD set.
Colin: Well I didn't know you wanted me to explain-
Ryan: You could help me out a little bit, I can't sell the CDs all by myself.
Colin: ...I was a big grunge fan.
Ryan: There we go!
Ryan: Styles come and Styles go, and they are all on this cd set. Including that long forgotten style, Grunge. Remember Grunge?
Colin: (bluntly) yeah.
(beat)
Ryan: …Well it's on this CD set.
Colin: Well I didn't know you wanted me to explain-
Ryan: You could help me out a little bit, I can't sell the CDs all by myself.
Colin: ...I was a big grunge fan.
Ryan: There we go!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(after Grunge song)
Colin: It was then that I realized that it wasn't Grunge I was into.
Ryan: Hey Colin, what comes to your mind when I say Doo-wop?
Colin: Apple Pie.
(Ryan stares at Colin)
Colin: Cause the chef's name was Dew Op!
Ryan: Do you like Doo-wop, Colin?
Colin: Yeah, I like grunge, too!
Colin: It was then that I realized that it wasn't Grunge I was into.
Ryan: Hey Colin, what comes to your mind when I say Doo-wop?
Colin: Apple Pie.
(Ryan stares at Colin)
Colin: Cause the chef's name was Dew Op!
Ryan: Do you like Doo-wop, Colin?
Colin: Yeah, I like grunge, too!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(songs of marriage)
Colin: It is called "I'm the Groom".
Wayne: I'm gonna get married, I'm gonna find myself a guy...
(Wayne collapses into laughter and so do the musicians)
Brad: The band's had a little too much to drink!
Ryan: That's a very special song of this CD-set 'cause that's the exact moment they broke up as a group!
(The audiences especially, Wayne, Brad and the musicians cracked up)
Colin: It is called "I'm the Groom".
Wayne: I'm gonna get married, I'm gonna find myself a guy...
(Wayne collapses into laughter and so do the musicians)
Brad: The band's had a little too much to drink!
Ryan: That's a very special song of this CD-set 'cause that's the exact moment they broke up as a group!
(The audiences especially, Wayne, Brad and the musicians cracked up)
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(Songs Of Golf)
Colin: That's why we've compiled over three songs just to do with golf!
Ryan: Oh! We've got another song!
Colin: Four.
Colin: That's why we've compiled over three songs just to do with golf!
Ryan: Oh! We've got another song!
Colin: Four.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(Songs of the President)
Ryan: You know Colin, if there were one man alive today, I would vote for him. Who do you think I'm talkin' about?
Colin: Pfffftt.
Ryan: Jim M-
Colin: Millard Filmore!
Ryan: Who?
Colin: Millard Filmore!
Ryan: No, not your math teacher. I'm talking about Jim Morrison.
Colin: Oh!
Ryan: Remember him?
Colin: Yes!
Ryan: He used to be with a little band called The Doors.
Woman from audience: Whoooooooo!
Ryan: (looks around) Sorry, time's up. Our free offer has ended.
Ryan: You know Colin, if there were one man alive today, I would vote for him. Who do you think I'm talkin' about?
Colin: Pfffftt.
Ryan: Jim M-
Colin: Millard Filmore!
Ryan: Who?
Colin: Millard Filmore!
Ryan: No, not your math teacher. I'm talking about Jim Morrison.
Colin: Oh!
Ryan: Remember him?
Colin: Yes!
Ryan: He used to be with a little band called The Doors.
Woman from audience: Whoooooooo!
Ryan: (looks around) Sorry, time's up. Our free offer has ended.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(Songs of the Race Car Driver)
Ryan: I love honky-tonk.
Colin: I know, I've seen people go, "Hey, honky-tonk man!"
Ryan: Hey, when I was a kid, I had a honky-tonk band!
Colin: Really?
Ryan: No.
Ryan: I love honky-tonk.
Colin: I know, I've seen people go, "Hey, honky-tonk man!"
Ryan: Hey, when I was a kid, I had a honky-tonk band!
Colin: Really?
Ryan: No.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(Songs of the Lunch Lady)
Ryan: There's so many hits on this CD set, and sometimes it goes by areas. Uh, been down south lately?
Colin: No, have you? (Ryan is thrown off by this comment) Oh I'm sorry, am I not supposed to engage you in conversation? Yes, I have been down south!
Ryan: Don't need to get testy with me, we won't sell this anymore.
Colin: We'll- we'll talk about this back home!
Ryan: There's so many hits on this CD set, and sometimes it goes by areas. Uh, been down south lately?
Colin: No, have you? (Ryan is thrown off by this comment) Oh I'm sorry, am I not supposed to engage you in conversation? Yes, I have been down south!
Ryan: Don't need to get testy with me, we won't sell this anymore.
Colin: We'll- we'll talk about this back home!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(Songs of the Circus)
Ryan: You know what, Colin? This is my last infomercial with you. I'm running away, to join the circus!
Colin: I noticed the clown shoes.
Ryan: You know what, Colin? This is my last infomercial with you. I'm running away, to join the circus!
Colin: I noticed the clown shoes.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: Fun fact. You know Colin- I'm sorry, I said "fun fact", that hurts me deep in my... (fishing for Colin to finish his sentence)
Colin: Stomach? Heart?
Ryan: No, in my...
Colin: Heart? SOUL?
Ryan: Yes! Hey wait a minute: "Soul" is also a musical style!
Colin: (mocking) Yes, sometimes blue. (audience laughs)
Ryan: (quietly, angrily) I'll see you when we get back to the house...
Colin: Oh, you'll talk to me?! I'll talk to you!
Colin: Stomach? Heart?
Ryan: No, in my...
Colin: Heart? SOUL?
Ryan: Yes! Hey wait a minute: "Soul" is also a musical style!
Colin: (mocking) Yes, sometimes blue. (audience laughs)
Ryan: (quietly, angrily) I'll see you when we get back to the house...
Colin: Oh, you'll talk to me?! I'll talk to you!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: Come on come on, let's go let's go!
Colin: What's the matter?
Ryan: Well my wife's delivering tonight, we gotta get this commercial done.
Colin: What a coincidence! Because the album we're selling this time is "Songs of Pregnancy"!
Ryan: (cheerful) I was just kidding about my wife.
Colin: I know.
Ryan: (sullen) She won't come near me.
Colin: I know.
Colin: What's the matter?
Ryan: Well my wife's delivering tonight, we gotta get this commercial done.
Colin: What a coincidence! Because the album we're selling this time is "Songs of Pregnancy"!
Ryan: (cheerful) I was just kidding about my wife.
Colin: I know.
Ryan: (sullen) She won't come near me.
Colin: I know.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: You know, Colin, when I'm feeling romantic to- with the wife- or TO the wife... sometimes she's sleeping... but when I'm feeling romantic WITH the wife-
Colin: Oh, a much better situation.
Ryan: I'll get a nice bottle of champagne, I'll lower the lights, and I'll turn on some thrash. Because nothing gets her hotter than a little thrash music.
Colin: Oh, a much better situation.
Ryan: I'll get a nice bottle of champagne, I'll lower the lights, and I'll turn on some thrash. Because nothing gets her hotter than a little thrash music.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin: Nothing better than the king-king sound of metal.
Ryan: Oh, you're talking HEAVY metal!
Colin: I'm just talkin' metal. It could be light, it could be heavy. It could be aluminum, it could be lead. Is lead a metal? I don't know. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.
Ryan: Hey, you just rapped there-
Colin: I told you, I'm a child of the streets!
Ryan: Oh, you're talking HEAVY metal!
Colin: I'm just talkin' metal. It could be light, it could be heavy. It could be aluminum, it could be lead. Is lead a metal? I don't know. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.
Ryan: Hey, you just rapped there-
Colin: I told you, I'm a child of the streets!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin: Hi, we'll be right back to the commerical we're interrupting in a second. But first, have we got an offer for you.
[Ryan mimics a fast food drive-thru speaker sounding like static)
Colin: Hey, Ryan. What's that?
Ryan: I'm a speaker outside a fast food restaurant! [audience laughs] Isn't it weird you can never understand them?
Colin: It is!
Ryan: One of life's little ironies.
Colin: And because of life's little ironies, we've come up with a 25 CD set: "Songs of the fast food worker."
Ryan: That's right. This CD set weighs almost a quarter pound!
[audience and Drew crack up]
Ryan: Hey, Colin.
Colin: What, Ryan?
Ryan: What do you think of when I say, "Straw hats and banjos?"
Colin: Oh, Uncle Phil!
[audience cracks up]
Ryan: Actually, I was thinking Dixieland music.
Colin: Oh, yeah.
Ryan: I don't know if your uncle Phil was a Dixie man.
Colin: Oh, until the restraining order, yeah.
[audience laughs]
Ryan: I love Dixieland music. You can't help but feel upbeat when you hear Dixieland.
Colin: Oh, my foot just goes a-tappin'.
Ryan: And one of my favorite Dixieland tunes of all time has to be, "You're My Happy Meal and I'm Your Big Mac."
[Ryan mimics a fast food drive-thru speaker sounding like static)
Colin: Hey, Ryan. What's that?
Ryan: I'm a speaker outside a fast food restaurant! [audience laughs] Isn't it weird you can never understand them?
Colin: It is!
Ryan: One of life's little ironies.
Colin: And because of life's little ironies, we've come up with a 25 CD set: "Songs of the fast food worker."
Ryan: That's right. This CD set weighs almost a quarter pound!
[audience and Drew crack up]
Ryan: Hey, Colin.
Colin: What, Ryan?
Ryan: What do you think of when I say, "Straw hats and banjos?"
Colin: Oh, Uncle Phil!
[audience cracks up]
Ryan: Actually, I was thinking Dixieland music.
Colin: Oh, yeah.
Ryan: I don't know if your uncle Phil was a Dixie man.
Colin: Oh, until the restraining order, yeah.
[audience laughs]
Ryan: I love Dixieland music. You can't help but feel upbeat when you hear Dixieland.
Colin: Oh, my foot just goes a-tappin'.
Ryan: And one of my favorite Dixieland tunes of all time has to be, "You're My Happy Meal and I'm Your Big Mac."
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin: You know, I think we've covered every type of music on this CD. And one that's close to my heart is, of course, rap.
Ryan: Oh, I'm down with that.
Colin: Oh, I'm downer!
[audience laughs]]
Colin: And one of my favorite rap artists of all time is Iced-T. [audience cracks up] That's right; he's chilly. [[crosses his arms around his chest, audience laughs]
Ryan: That's because he lives in Long Island!
[Colin and Ryan laugh at their own joke along with the audience and Drew]
Ryan: Oh, I'm down with that.
Colin: Oh, I'm downer!
[audience laughs]]
Colin: And one of my favorite rap artists of all time is Iced-T. [audience cracks up] That's right; he's chilly. [[crosses his arms around his chest, audience laughs]
Ryan: That's because he lives in Long Island!
[Colin and Ryan laugh at their own joke along with the audience and Drew]
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?