Wonderfalls Quotes
Officer Hale: The blonde one's queer. Look at her. Those fingernails are a dead giveaway. Cut all nice and short. Clean cuticle beds. Lesbians always trim their nails like that. You know why?
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Jaye: Just try to get Aaron out.
Sharon: He's already out
Jaye: Bastard! He sang?
Sharon: No, you admitted to driving the car.
Jaye: Oohh, I sang...
Sharon: There are like six Law & Orders on the air now, have you not seen one of them?
Sharon: He's already out
Jaye: Bastard! He sang?
Sharon: No, you admitted to driving the car.
Jaye: Oohh, I sang...
Sharon: There are like six Law & Orders on the air now, have you not seen one of them?
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Aaron: If your portly chupacabra doesn’t emerge soon I’ll be forced to go home and work on my dissertation.
Jaye: I don’t call him that anymore. He might be of Mexican descent and I don’t want to be insensitive.
Aaron: What do you call him?
Jaye: Fat Pat. It was Fatsquatch but... [shrugs]
Jaye: I don’t call him that anymore. He might be of Mexican descent and I don’t want to be insensitive.
Aaron: What do you call him?
Jaye: Fat Pat. It was Fatsquatch but... [shrugs]
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Jaye: I do admit the whole shut-in thing has a certain appeal. Dress is optional, and there’s the part where you get to avoid people.
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Aaron: There’s something out there and it’s laughing at us.
Darrin: I don’t think your sister’s special lunch is an appropriate place for an existential crisis.
Aaron: It’s not an existential crisis.
Karen: You’re studying religion for God’s sake, you were bound to have one sooner or later.
Aaron: I’m not in existential crisis! Just the opposite. I was fine when existence had no meaning. Meaninglessness in a universe that has no meaning — that I get. But meaninglessness in a universe that has meaning... what does it mean?
Jaye: It doesn't mean anything.
Aaron: Did the cow creamer tell you that?
Karen: I’m throwing that creamer away the second we get home.
Darrin: I don’t think your sister’s special lunch is an appropriate place for an existential crisis.
Aaron: It’s not an existential crisis.
Karen: You’re studying religion for God’s sake, you were bound to have one sooner or later.
Aaron: I’m not in existential crisis! Just the opposite. I was fine when existence had no meaning. Meaninglessness in a universe that has no meaning — that I get. But meaninglessness in a universe that has meaning... what does it mean?
Jaye: It doesn't mean anything.
Aaron: Did the cow creamer tell you that?
Karen: I’m throwing that creamer away the second we get home.
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Jaye: You lost 300 pounds; you can’t just gain it all back!
Marianne Marie: Well Zeig Heil, Miss Jenny Craig!
Marianne Marie: Well Zeig Heil, Miss Jenny Craig!
TV Show: Wonderfalls
[Millie is sitting at the autograph-signing table and is being ignored.]
Mahandra: This is sad. This is sadder than that hooker we saw getting beat up by that other hooker.
Alec: At least a hooker fight would draw a crowd.
Mahandra: This is sad. This is sadder than that hooker we saw getting beat up by that other hooker.
Alec: At least a hooker fight would draw a crowd.
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Jaye: [to Sharon] How long have you been using the Republican party as a lesbian dating service?
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Viv: I was supposed to ride that barrel right out of this crummy town.
Jaye: And you never considered a bus?
Jaye: And you never considered a bus?
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Mahandra: ...the story of Millie Marcus and her barrel.
Eric: It is sort of the quintessential American tale.
Mahandra: Yes! It teaches us there's nothing a person can’t do.
Eric: Or nothing a person actually has to do. I mean look at her, she’s 100% fabrication. She decided what she wanted to be and damn the facts. You don’t get much more American than that.
Eric: It is sort of the quintessential American tale.
Mahandra: Yes! It teaches us there's nothing a person can’t do.
Eric: Or nothing a person actually has to do. I mean look at her, she’s 100% fabrication. She decided what she wanted to be and damn the facts. You don’t get much more American than that.
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Jaye: Look at me: I’m 24 and I’ve never done anything. I have a worthless philosophy degree that's gotten me no further than a dead-end retail job working for a mouth-breather so I can continue to support my trailer park lifestyle. Do you think I sit around feeling sorry for myself?
Viv: God, I would if I were you.
Viv: God, I would if I were you.
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Lovesick Ass: Girl needs a—
Jaye: Girl might actually find time to have a boy if you'd ever shut up!
Lovesick Ass: ...donut. Girl needs a donut.
Jaye: Finally, something sensible.
Jaye: Girl might actually find time to have a boy if you'd ever shut up!
Lovesick Ass: ...donut. Girl needs a donut.
Jaye: Finally, something sensible.
TV Show: Wonderfalls
[Playing with the Wax Lion and Brass Monkey]
Mahandra [as Wax Lion as Jaye]: Your man-sweat is like honey-mustard glaze on my tongue.
Brass Monkey: Inappropriate touching.
Wax Lion: This isn't fun for anybody.
Mahandra [as Wax Lion as Jaye]: Your man-sweat is like honey-mustard glaze on my tongue.
Brass Monkey: Inappropriate touching.
Wax Lion: This isn't fun for anybody.
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Jaye: It's impossible you could've liked any of your three portions. It's fish jello! You do realize that's jello and fish?
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Peter: He wants you all to himself. He won't share you with anyone. You're in danger. He's dangerous. I saw him smoking a cigarette.
Jaye: He doesn't smoke. He doesn't hit people. He doesn't deface synogogues and he doesn't frequent gay bath houses.
Peter: I have pictures.
Jaye: You have photo-imaging software!
Peter: I'm only trying to protect you. Come with me to the cabin. I'll keep you safe. We have a cellar.
Jaye: He doesn't smoke. He doesn't hit people. He doesn't deface synogogues and he doesn't frequent gay bath houses.
Peter: I have pictures.
Jaye: You have photo-imaging software!
Peter: I'm only trying to protect you. Come with me to the cabin. I'll keep you safe. We have a cellar.
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Eric: You know, even if you got rid of me, you'd still be left with the biggest obstacle to Jaye's heart.
Peter: What's that?
Eric: Jaye.
Peter: What's that?
Eric: Jaye.
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Rufus: You know what happens when a fairy's wings lose their dust? The fairy dies, that's what.
Jaye: Uh, restrooms are for customers only.
Jaye: Uh, restrooms are for customers only.
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Penelope: We answer to a higher law.
Eric: We do?
Jaye: Love. Love is our higher law. And we're here to save it. Not that it was ever in any danger. From me.
Eric: We do?
Jaye: Love. Love is our higher law. And we're here to save it. Not that it was ever in any danger. From me.
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Aaron: I wanna see an engorged cloaca!
Penelope: You can't. I told you, your powerful sexual chemistry is too distracting.
Aaron: I get that a lot, actually.
Penelope: You can't. I told you, your powerful sexual chemistry is too distracting.
Aaron: I get that a lot, actually.
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Jaye: I'm trying to save him. By avoiding him. So I can be with him. But I can't go near him or I'll destroy him, so if I can just manage to stay away from him maybe we can be together. Please don't repeat that back to me.
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Jaye: I've never seen anyone work so hard to get someone else laid in my entire life. You are like the total mac daddy bird pimp.
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Jaye: Fine, I'm the crazy one... but I had the snake!
Heidi: Well, it's my snake and I want it back.
[Jaye looks puzzled]
Heidi: The snake... that's a penis reference, right?
Jaye: No, God! With a mind that works like that no wonder you cheated on your honeymoon.
Heidi: Well, it's my snake and I want it back.
[Jaye looks puzzled]
Heidi: The snake... that's a penis reference, right?
Jaye: No, God! With a mind that works like that no wonder you cheated on your honeymoon.
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Mahandra: Alright, what're we drinking to?
Eric: How about crazy women and losers who love them.
Mahandra: You are not a loser. She is your wife. You don't just stop loving her because...
Eric: I am not talking about Heidi.
Mahandra: Uh... wow, really? [Eric gave her a convincing look] You love her? [another look from Eric] well, then you have to tell her.
Eric: Not until she tells me.
Mahandra: Now you're playing chicken. She has to say it first?
Eric: Not it, but something, anything. I just need a word. One word, so I'd know I am not the only one feeling this. But she can't say it and I don't know why.
Eric: How about crazy women and losers who love them.
Mahandra: You are not a loser. She is your wife. You don't just stop loving her because...
Eric: I am not talking about Heidi.
Mahandra: Uh... wow, really? [Eric gave her a convincing look] You love her? [another look from Eric] well, then you have to tell her.
Eric: Not until she tells me.
Mahandra: Now you're playing chicken. She has to say it first?
Eric: Not it, but something, anything. I just need a word. One word, so I'd know I am not the only one feeling this. But she can't say it and I don't know why.
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Mahandra: You're like a brother to me.
Aaron: So, I make love like a black man?
Mahandra: Not that kind of brother, you idiot!
Aaron: So, I make love like a black man?
Mahandra: Not that kind of brother, you idiot!
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Mahandra: Nobody can hurt by just admitting how they feel.
Jaye: I think I might love him. Uhh. See that, it hurt.
Jaye: I think I might love him. Uhh. See that, it hurt.
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Jaye: [to melting Wax Lion] Tell me why. Why make me make the man I love re-marry his hussy bride? How is that helpful? Who does that benefit besides the hussy, 'cause I'm not in the business of benefitting hussies.
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Heidi: [to Jaye] We're both reasonable women.
Mahandra: Ha!
Heidi: We're both capable of reason.
Mahandra: Ha!
Heidi: We're both capable of reason.
TV Show: Wonderfalls
Jaye: Of course she's not pressing charges. Murderers don't press charges. It calls unwanted attention to themselves.
TV Show: Wonderfalls