Xena - Warrior Princess Quotes

Critic #1: I just don't buy that Xena.
Critic #2: There's the opening of Buffus the Bacchae Slayer across the street.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Najara: I've changed, Xena. I put down the sword.
Xena: And I'm the Queen of Egypt.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Najara: We walk the same path, Gabrielle, our lives dedicated to defeating Evil by promoting Peace. It's our Way, the Way Eli taught us. A reverence for life. Stray from that path, whatever the reason, the consequences could be devastating for everyone.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Xena: New outfit. New religion. Same old wacko underneath.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Xena: You hurt Gabrielle and I will change you in ways that are anything but peaceful.
Najara: You forget, hurting Gabrielle is your job, or have those visions gone away? You know, the vision of your death and hers. I want to share a life of Peace with her, you want to share a violent death. You tell me who's the villain here, me or you.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Xena: I gotta ask you this, Mom. You killed once before to protect me. Is history repeating itself?
Cyrene: That was different. I was protecting a child.
Xena: Well, you know what they say, no matter what your age, you're always a child to your mother.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Autolycus: Big job running a tavern. Lot's of things to keep track of, huh? Food. Drink. Keys. Hey, what do you know, there's a key to my room, and to Xena's, and to Joxer's. Of course, you'd have a key to every room in the place wouldn't you, Cyrene?
Cyrene: Meaning.
Autolycus: Meaning you must know every creaky floor board and squeaky hinge in the place. Why, you could float around like a ghost if you had to.
Autolycus: Bounty hunter checks in, and despite what she says, I think she knew it. You also knew that it was damn likely that your daughter would be on her list.
Xena: Autolycus, we've already had this conversation.
Autolycus: Then you must admit, no one has the means or a stronger motive than your own dear, over-protective mother. Sorry, Cyrene, tough break. Book her, Xena. I'm outta here.
Xena: He's an idiot.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Joxer: I still say it was Minya in the bedroom with a knife.
Minya: Would you can it! This isn't some sort of game, you know.
Cyrene: She's right. Discord has long ears. She could show up at any time.
Joxer: That's exactly my point. You keep talking about her ears and she will show up.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Xena: What are you saying?! You can't have killed her, you weren't even here.
Gabrielle: I know, but if it wasn't the knife, it had to have been me. You see, I ran into Raveneka two days ago. I heard she was hot on your trail so I decided to slow her down a bit. I thought I could get here first and warn you. So, I put Joxer's gravy recipe in her water bag.
Xena: That's inhuman!

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Discord: You're telling me your horse killed her?
Xena: In self-defense.
Autolycus: You gotta admit, fits like a Trojan glove.
Discord: But I can't take back a horse. I don't do animals.
Minya: That's not what I heard.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Ephiny: We look first and then we attack.
Amarice: In my tribe looking first is like giving a warning.
Ephiny: What does your tribe think about following orders?

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Xena: You know, Gabrielle, there's only one way you can know have the fish really feel, and that's to become one with them.
Gabrielle: Don't do it. Xena, this outfit takes forever to dry.
Xena: Oh, well, I've got time.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Gabrielle: Hello, Brutus.
Brutus: Gabrielle, they told me you were the new leader of this tribe.
Gabrielle: Thanks to you. You killed Ephiny, our Queen ... my friend.
Brutus: Ephiny, that was her name. One of the best fighters I've met. She died as a warrior and for that I have no guilt in my actions.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Amarice: Hey, Roman, have you ever witnessed an Amazon execution before? I don't know how they do it here, but in my tribe it took a long, long time. And as the life oozed out of you, we talk to you and ask you how it felt.
Brutus: You're such a child. I've seen death that you could never dream of. And the fact that you told me that story means that you never saw it, or you're a fool.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Amarice: I was thinking about what you said, Xena, about not finding my answers at the end of a sword, and it seemed to make sense. And then I started thinking about old Pompey and it seems to me that he found an answer at the end of yours.
Gabrielle: Amarice, did you not find any philosophy behind those words?
Amarice: Yeah, kick butt and take names later.
Xena: (to Gabrielle) It's going to take some time.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Callisto: You mean to tell me those stupid, meddling missions she goes on are going to end her up in Paradise?!
Hellion: Probably not Paradise. Most likely she'll be born higher up the Karmic ladder.
Callisto: Right, she burns my family, destroys my life and I end up in Hell while she gets another shot. That's fair.
Illusion Xena: Gotta love the irony.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Eli: Selfless, pure Love is the only divine perfection we have in this world. It is the greatest power one can possess.
Amarice: Oh C'mon, the only real power is at the end of a sword .
(Later, Amarice runs into Roman soldiers carrying swords)
Eli: And if the other side has more swords?
Amarice: If you can love your way out of this one, be my guest.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Callisto: Don't bother, you've already done all the damage you can to me. Thanks, by the way.
Xena: For what?
Callisto: I wanted to leave this existence and you did your best to help. But, as you can see, it didn't take. They wouldn't let me off the hook that easy.
Xena: Who's They?
Callisto: I don't know, whoever it is who does the final judging. They sent me to a place that makes Tartarus look like the Elysian Fields. They call it Hell.
Xena: Couldn't have happened to a nicer gal.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Gabrielle: You don't really think those crosses are for a boat load of pirates, do you?
Brutus: Caesar's never lied to me.
Gabrielle: There's a first time for everything.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Annie: Harry, wake up. Harry?
Harry: What?
Annie: I just had a vision, an awakening, a self-revelation
Harry: Dont forget about the pint of Haagen-Daas and the bean burrito.
(Annie Burps)
Harry: Those will give you nightmares.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Annie: I had a past life experience.
Harry: Okay, let me guess. You were, huh, Susan B. Anthony
Annie: No.
Harry: Eleanor Roosevelt
Annie: No.
Harry: Queen Elizabeth?
Annie: No.
Harry: Huh, I give up.
Annie: In the time of ancient gods, I was Xena the Warrior Princess.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Maddie: Look, Marco taught me the hypnosis technique. And I never thought I would hurt anyone. Now I'm responsible for getting you two blown up. This is a karmic catastrophe. I'm going to come back as a worm, a cockroach. No, a TV evangelist.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Gabrielle: Callisto... when Xena burned your family did you see them on fire? Did you... did you smell their flesh sizzling? Do you know what I think? You wanted them to die so you'd have a reason to be a bitch.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Callisto: Love is the way.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Joxer: I can't have you dying again and not have you know.
Gabrielle: Know what?
Joxer: Oh brother, I had this all worked out in my head and now...
Gabrielle: Joxer, will you hurry? Please.
Joxer: I love you. I'm in love with you.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Gabrielle: Who are you?
Mavican: The name is Mavican. I'm looking for Xena.
Gabrielle: What do you want with her?
Mavican: I want to kill her. And I understand that killing you is the best way to meet her.

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Xena: It's impossible, i cannot be pregnant. If you weren't such a quack,you'd know that getting pregnant requires certain physical requirements that I haven't have for a long time... I'm talking a very long time. no one, zilch, zippo, I'm a love-free zone, therefore it is utterly impossible that I be up the duff! So what's you're diagnosis now?
Physician: It's weight! (Xena lets him go and he falls over)
Xena: I thought so!

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Gabrielle: Women love flowers. Except Xena, yeah, she's the only woman I know who doesn't stop to smell them.
(Scene showing Xena at a flower shop smelling flowers)

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Gabrielle: You don't have the slighest idea?
Xena: No. Look we've been through this a thousand times. I don't.
Gabrielle: How could you not know? I just find that hard to believe, you know.
Xena: Tell me.
Gabrielle: Ares. Maybe he did...a god thing.
Xena: No.
Gabrielle: OK, fine. When was the last time you saw Hercules?

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess
Alti: Well, if it isn't Xena's little bitch. (brings Gabrielle over to her) Welcome to the doghouse!

TV Show: Xena - Warrior Princess